Page 3 of From Wink to Kink

I plaster an award-winning ‘I'm fine’ smile on my face. "Oh, that? Ancient history. I'm just devastated I won't get to hear any more of his riveting monologues about server maintenance."

Tammy giggles, then quickly sobers. "But seriously, a post-it? That's cold."

"Yeah, well, what did I expect from a guy whose idea of foreplay was explaining binary code?" I roll my eyes, shoving a non-fiction book about ancient Rome on a shelf with perhaps more force than necessary.

"True," Tammy concedes. "But still, you must be upset. Want to grab a drink after work? Drown your sorrows in some fancy cocktails?"

The offer is tempting, but the thought of rehashing the Tod debacle over overpriced martinis, which I can ill afford anyway, makes my stomach churn. "Thanks, but I think I'll pass this time. I've got a hot date with my Netflix queue and a pint of rocky road. Rain check?" I ask, to be polite.

Tammy nods sympathetically. "Sure. If you change your mind, you know where to find me." Sated, for the moment, with some juicy new gossip, she saunters away, most likely thrilled to know she’s not the only one indulging in workplace romance.

As soon as she’s out of sight, I sag against the shelves, letting a devil-may-care bravado roll off my shoulders like the big phony that I am. I can toss around a snarky, unbothered vibe all day if I have to. But truth be told, I'm falling apart behind the facade.

And my distress is not even really about Tod—good riddance to him and his Battlestar Galactica boxers—or the whispers and judgment of my coworkers. It’s so much more.

Working at the library this past year hasn’t been exactly easy. I know that getting hired here was lucky, and probably wouldn’t have happened if Matthew hadn’t pulled strings and gone to bat for me. I get it, I do. After all, I quit school. I’m a college dropout. And, unless I go back, working the menial tasks will be all I ever do here. Most days, I don’t let it bother me. But today… well, today isn’t a normal day.

Fucking Tod and his fucking post-it note.

And now I’m dropping f-bombs like my brother Tyler, the hockey star and center of all that is the Brooks family. If he heard me, he’d be shocked.

Whatever. Give him a day like mine and see if he doesn’t drop a fewfucks.

I finally lapse into the soothing rhythm of re-shelving library books. As menial as it is, it’s also strangely satisfying. I forget about Tod and everything else, until Matthew taps me on the shoulder.

“Damn, you need to get your hearing checked,” he says, rolling his eyes.

“Why? What do you mean?”

“I was calling for you and you didn’t hear. Unless you were ignoring me. Were you ignoring me?”

I shelve my last book and roll my eyes. “C’mon. Let’s go get our coffee.”

We walk past the two coffee shops closest to the library like we always do, to one several blocks away. This way, we can speak without the risk of some nosy-body coworker eavesdropping. As we settle in with matching lattes, Matthew adds two sugars to his and I add one.

“So. Spill,” he says, pursing his lips at me. “You didn’t tell me you broke up with him.”

Sighing, I lean back in my chair. “Because I didn’t.” Humiliation washes over me again. “And if I had, I would have done it privately. Not left a note on his locker for everyone to see. Jerk. Geeky, lights-always-off, bad-at-oral, IT jerk.”

“Oooo.” Matthew perks up. “Bad at oral? Dealbreaker! Ruby, why don’t you tell me these things? I thought we were besties.”

I send him a smirking glance. “Didn’t think pussy-eating was your style. But I’m telling you now and I may just tell everyone. Because, thanks to Tod, everyone thinks I’m bad in bed. ButI’m not bad in bed,” I say indignantly. “I may not have a lot of experience, but I know when I’m good at something. And I rocked his world every time.”

Matthew nods. “I bet you did, darlin’.”

We each stare out the window at a passing streetcar, lost in thought.

“Well,” he says shrugging, “you’re better off.”

“I know. But this is so embarrassing. He pursuedme, remember? You know that super geeks who work in IT and wear their glasses on a neck chain aren’t my type, but I gave him a chance anyway. Itoleratedhim. I mean, even though he insisted on the bedroom lights always being off and never rated above a three in the sack, I kept having sex with him. And he dumps me like this?” I bare my teeth. “Bastard.”

“Ugh,” he agrees. “You were doing him a favor. It was one big pity fuck, if you want to get down to it. Honey, you really are better off.”

“Dammit,” I mutter, my eyes filling again.

Matthew makes soothing noises as I grab for some tissues. “Do you just want to go home? I can go back and say you didn’t feel well. You know, cramps or something. No one ever questions cramps.”

I shake my head. “Oh God no. That will just make it worse. Like admitting defeat. Everyone will think I’m heartbroken or something, and I’m not. I’m pissed.”

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