Page 48 of Gilded Kisses

A summer storm is about to release its wrath. I either go now, or get caught in a downpour.

“Why are you running?”

That has my jerky, rushed movements slowing.

With my arms wound tightly around my middle, I face Magnolia and for the first time I want to cry in front of another woman. The water rimming my eyes would devastate my mother. Never let them see you weak, is her motto. But my emotions are just too much to keep locked away.

“It hurts to be close to them.” I pause a minute because I’ve confessed none of this to another soul. She has a genuine kindness about her and something tells me what I say here tonight stays between us.

“For a long time, I have lived under the thumb of another person. My father, my family. Even my godfathers, in a way. Mirsha, Luther and Viper watched over me as I grew up and sometimes know me better than my parents.” I draw my lip between my teeth knowing how this next part will sound. “Don’t judge okay, because that is going to make me and them sound fucked up. But years went by, I got older and on my sixteenth birthday I realized I was in love with my godfathers. A couple of years later, I lured them into a garden much like this one and we nearly went all the way.”

“Ballsy.”

I nod and cut the story in half not wanting to ugly cry in front of my new friend. “Yeah. I thought so too. There's more, but instead of protecting my love, they dropped it, stepped on it and left it where it fell to die. So I can’t trust them with my heart. Not again. They walked, and that pain has never left.”

Magnolia moves to me and the slight touch of her hand on my elbow forms a bridge between the chaos inside me and the calm in her eyes.

“I don’t know a lot. I was sheltered to the point of reckless naivety growing up. For so long I thought it was normal for a guardian to beat his wife and adopted children. I didn’t know how to navigate the world alone for a long time. I still don’t, really. Some bad people did some bad things to me and that was after I escaped my guardian.”

Now it’s my turn to comfort her. I move my hand over hers. We sit on the corner of the bed, both letting our pasts permeate our thoughts.

“But that is not the point here. I just wanted you to understand that I know pain too and you can trust me with your story.”

“Thank you for sharing yours with me.” I hold a hand out. “I’m Aster, by the way.”

“Aster. Pretty name.”

She takes my hand, and we sit like old friends for a second. “Believe it or not, I have been where you are. I’ve loved, too. I trusted men much like yours. After they showed me what love could look like, I got scared it was just another form of a cage so I ran.”

My heart weeps for her. “What scared you?” Luther, Viper and Mirsha are a lot of things but my jailers is not one of them. Her yearning for her men is so thick I can practically feel the connection with my bare hands. Did she fear them? Did they hurt her? The only thing I fear from my three are the lashes they will leave on my heart.Haveleft on my heart.

“Magnolia? Did they hurt you?”

“The opposite. They loved too hard. My point is, don’t let fear keep you from finding happiness. I wish I had someone to tell me that before I ran. There’s not exactly a club for the morning after this place happens, if you know what I mean. And now they have moved on.”

I do understand. “The last time I was here, I thought my life was complete. All I had to do was make sure they wanted me in that way. Falling in love with your godfathers doesn’t come with a handbook, ya know?” I tuck the edge of my lip between my teeth before releasing the tortured flesh.

“Are you so sure they don’t love you? I mean, they went through the trouble of tying you up.”

“I think they love me, but they hold more respect for my father than love for me. Or did.” Magnolia has a fair point. Me being here might mean things have changed. But the pain they have caused is still very real.

She is quiet for a moment before pushing to her feet. She gathers the book and shows it to me. “If you sign this, you might find out if that is still the case. Things change for everyone. Circumstances, feelings and relationships. Romantic and otherwise. But I see the love you have for them. It’s in theway you keep looking at the door and the way you keep rubbing at your chest. I ran from my feelings. Don’t run from yours.”

She seems too young to have suffered so much pain. Then again, look at me.

I don’t know what comes over me, but I pull the woman into my arms and hug her so tight I can feel the friendship forming between us.

Tears warm the edges of my eyes when we pull apart and I can see the same is for her.

“I think fate sent you to me. But I have to admit, I’m scared.”

“Aren’t we all?”

Thirteen

Aster

Idon’t know how long I’ve been asleep, but when I peel back my eyelids, it’s pitch-black. A storm rumbles overhead and slivers of white light flash along the edges of the blackout curtains. My gaze falls to the signed contracts on the table. Or at least where I left them.

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