Page 4 of Claim Me

But I knew if I planned things just right with Siobhan, she would see what I could offer her. Once she opened her heart to me, she’d always want my love wrapped around her.

Now I know I’ve lied to myself just like I did to my mom that night in the back seat.

I make sure Siobhan gets home to her pretty white-brick ranch located in the same neighborhood as my club brothers’ bigger houses. Once she’s safe, I don’t know where to go. I’m too ashamed to return to the farm and see her parents.

Instead of going home, I ride my motorcycle up north, past the expensive part of Banta City and into the hills. This is the land my first family called home. None of us live here now. My brother got a new family once our mom died. He grew up to be a man with no use for his big brother. I wish I could hate Bubby for that fact, but he’ll always be the little boy I love.

Highway 91 turns into Grain Mill Road once outside Banta City’s city limits. I park my motorcycle on the quiet street, just after three-thirty in the morning. I’m a half mile from the clubhouse belonging to the Hills Chapter of the Backcountry Kings. Sitting my ass on the curb, I rest my elbows on my knees and stare at the spot where my mom’s body landed after the bus hit her.

Lorrie was a beautiful woman, but no man ever loved her. She was too much trouble.

“Whatever you touch turns to shit,” is what a boyfriend said years before she died.

Feeling bad over my mom’s short miserable life, I distract myself by thinking about how I screwed things up with Siobhan.

I can still smell her light citrusy scent on me. Holding my head in my hands, I replay tonight. For years, I’ve been searching for the right way to make Siobhan see me. My foster brother Tack told me months ago to simply ask her out. He was certain she would give me a shot if she knew I wanted her. Tack claimed Siobhan was lonely.

Tonight, she didn’t seem unhappy. I saw her talking to everyone in the friendly way she acts with people. Men flirted with her. I hated that part, but she only played along to get tips. Siobhan likes having money for her girls to use for fun stuff. She’s a greatmom. When she was pregnant with the twins, I’d often imagine I was the one at her side instead of Sync.

I thought they’d be together forever. When he ruined things between them, I started hoping she could love me like she did him.

But a man like me doesn’t win a woman like Siobhan. Yet, I couldn’t let a loser take the spot I wanted. I spent years chasing men away until Siobhan gave up on dating.

Looking up from my hands, I study the asphalt where my mom died.Was Lorrie scared to die? Or was she relieved to escape this world?

As a motorcycle races past me toward the clubhouse, I rest my arms across my knees and use my arms as a pillow. I wish I could stay here all night. It’s the only way I can feel close to Lorrie anymore.

Normally, when I feel this low, I’ll go to the farm and talk to Aunt Fred. She has all my mom’s good qualities and none of the bad ones. I love Aunt Fred, and I believe she loves me. But I know she loves Siobhan more, and I’m now the bad guy.

Siobhan looked so beautiful tonight dancing around to one of her favorite songs. Her chocolate brown hair shined under the bar’s lights. She kept smiling. I think she was thinking about her girls. Siobhan’s never happier than when her babies are around.

Or she might have been thinking about her best friends. Natasha and Hunter are both expecting baby girls. Her niece Ripley was born six months ago. Siobhan’s been talking a lot about wanting a baby, too. Maybe that’s why I took so long to ask her out.Does Siobhan even want a man or is she just looking to make a baby?

I shouldn’t have kissed her. That was a mistake. I had good, smart words ready to make her see me. I planned to ask Siobhan out for dinner and a movie. I figured she’d think I was fucking around as friends, but I’d make sure she understood it was a date. Or maybe she’d figure it out when I showed up at her house with flowers.

Standing so close to Siobhan got me scattered in the head. I smelled her shampoo and lost track of my plan. She smiled at me. Not a quick smile like for the men at the bar. She gave me a real smile. I could see the gap between her front teeth. Siobhan’s smile might be my favorite thing in the entire world.

When her soft fingers slid across my jaw, I was crushed under the full weight of so many years of dreams and desire.

Once I kissed her, I knew I’d messed up. I should have stopped then. Except Siobhan kissed me back, and she tasted like magic. I couldn’t stop the momentum of our lust.

We were suddenly in the back room, where my club brothers often party with random women. I couldn’t find the words to slow down what was happening. I needed Siobhan to understand how she was special. Rather than horny, I was a man in love.

Instead, I fucked her. I never get hard like I did earlier. I haven’t had sex in a dozen years. I’ve never found fucking all that enjoyable.

With Siobhan, my body came alive. But fucking like that was all wrong. I knew I ruined things as soon as my dick was spent and my brain started working again.

Siobhan still doesn’t see me.I’m nothing more than a horny pig like the other losers who hit her up for dates.

I waited for so long because I wanted everything to be perfect. But I also waited because I knew itwouldn’tbe perfect. Then, my dream would be dead, and I’d be alone forever.

“Bad night, boyo?” Caveman asks.

I glance at the Hills Chapter’s president strolling down the road toward me. His brown-and-gray pompadour looks messy like a woman’s been running her fingers through it. He wears a short-sleeved buttoned-up shirt with most of the buttons undone. I sense he was in the middle of enjoying a club slut when someone ratted me out.

Caveman was one of the few people to treat my mom with care. When she died and my brother got a real family, I ended up staying at his house. I never complained about what happened. I kept my pain inside, where it could rot just like my mom taught me.

Though Caveman tried to watch out for me, I was on my way to an early grave. That’s why he convinced the state to send me to the farm run by Aunt Fred and Elvis. Usually, the boys who ended up there were rough. No one else wanted them, but they hadn’t broken enough laws to stay in juvenile hall. I wasn’t like that. I rarely started trouble. I didn’t belong at the farm.

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