Page 94 of Claim Me

Nodding, I feel self-conscious with the focus on me. “The people who took me in,” I say, wondering how much Bubby knows about my life. “A lot of them have unhappy childhoods. They think they can hide from their pasts. But I never wanted to. I can’t let Lorrie be forgotten.”

Bubby’s expression hides nothing. Lorrie still owns a part of his heart, too. His new parents tried to steal our mom from him, but he couldn’t truly forget.

“She called us hungry hippos when we ate,” Bubby says, sounding almost like he’s asking a question.

Nodding, I reply, “She was so excited when she found the ‘Hungry Hungry Hippo’ game at Caveman’s house.”

My brother laughs in a startled way as if he wasn’t sure his memories were real.

“How long will you be in Banta City?”

“For a week. We got in this afternoon.”

Nodding, I nearly invite him to the house to meet Siobhan and the kids. Bubby is my brother, and I dream of us becoming friends. However, I stop myself from diving headfirst into this situation.

Bubby mentions he’s at the same hotel where I had my honeymoon. I suggest we meet for lunch tomorrow and bring our wives along. I feel like I need a buffer to protect me from going all-in with my brother. If Bubby is here for a nefarious reason, I’ll be completely blind to it.

“Let’s exchange numbers,” I say when I linger at the door and he seems reluctant to leave.

“I feel like you’re about to ghost me like I did you.”

“You didn’t ghost me. You were a little boy when they took you away. By the time I contacted you, you weren’t sure which way was up. I get that. But my friends are outside, wondering what the fuck I’m doing in here. Also, your woman is out there alone in a rowdy bar. It’d be best for us to get out there.”

Bubby nods yet seems reluctant to go. “I don’t normally feel this way. With most people, I’m a different guy. With you, I’m that scared kid again.”

I think back to how I taught him to ride his bike. Bubby took to it easily, but he kept asking me if he was doing it right. He was an insecure kid. I was the same way except when it came to Bubby. With him, I always felt like I knew the answers. Even tonight, I’m hit with a clarity I’ve only felt with a few people.

Resting my hand on his shoulder, I smile at how we’re the same size. “What you’re feeling is being around your big brother again.”

Bubby smiles instantly, craving that old connection. I don’t know this adult version of my brother, but I am well aware of how Aunt Fred would react to someone feeling like he does. That’s why I offer him a hug.

My brother hugs me back. Though my past comes crashing down on me, I don’t crumble under the weight. I’m a different man than I was just a year ago. Siobhan’s love changed everything. All the good in me got better. All my worst habits quieted.

Bubby and I head out to the bar where I meet his new wife. She acts starstruck. I don’t know if she’s just heard stories about me from Bubby or she’s watched too many news stories. Either way, I feel a little awkward.

Soon, Bear, Tack, Sync, and Pork Chop join us. We share a drink. My already buzzed club brothers tease Bubby over looking like a “strait-laced” version of me. He smiles at their ribbing, seeming calmer since our hug.

As much as I enjoy hanging out with Bubby and my club brothers, I’m dying to talk to Siobhan.

She isn’t awake when I return home. I remove my shoes at the front door and slip soundlessly through the house. After checking on the two rooms filled with sleeping kids, I peek in on Lorcan in his crib in the primary bedroom. I admire him before taking a quick shower.

Siobhan stirs when I climb in next to her. She asks if I’m okay. I ought to mumble yes, but I can’t lie to her. When she hears my tone, Siobhan climbs out of bed. We move to the living room where I explain what happened and deal with the feelings that seemed so under control back at the bar.

Listening to me, Siobhan never interrupts, knowing I need to get everything out in the open. Bubby’s presence is invigorating. I feel like I’ve gotten back what was stolen from me. But losing Lorrie stings more tonight.

“Don’t hide from your feelings,” Siobhan finally says when I worry out loud about Bubby meeting the kids. “You don’t have to choose between him and our family or the club. You are Indigo O’Malley. Your past belongs to you. That includes everything with Bubby but also the life you lived in the hills and at the farm. You’re still my love. Nothing is changing except you get to have more.”

With Siobhan at my side, I meet Bubby and Cathy for lunch. When that goes well, we invite them over for dinner. Bubby gets choked up at the sight of Lorcan. My son does look a lot like us as boys.

Bubby and I see each other every day he’s in Banta City. I learn to call him Bobby. He learns to refer to me as Indigo.

Siobhan entertains Cathy, so Bobby and I can be together.

“Isn’t she upset over her honeymoon turning into a family reunion?” I ask him one night while we grill in my backyard.

“Naw, Cathy is all about feelings. If it weren’t for her, I’d work all the time and still deal with my parents,” Bobby says and then adds, “She’s suggested we move to Banta City soon. Virginia doesn’t hold any emotional attachment for us, and we’re both in the stage of our careers where moving is easier.”

His words hit me hard, but I try not to get my hopes up. “Don’t your parents still live in Banta City?”

---