Page 12 of Tight End

I didn’t have time to think about my Prince Charming until I was back in North Carolina, struggling to finish my classes. The memories he gave me kept me going. They taught me I wasn’t as worthless as I thought, and then I found out I was pregnant.

Let me tell you, that was a fun conversation to have with my family. Especially, when everyone assumed Paul and I had been having sex for the months leading up to the wedding and that the baby was his. Telling them it was a virtual stranger went over as well as I thought it would—like a lead balloon.

Oliver drops his crayon on the table, stretching his little arms as he yawns.

“Sorry, that’s our cue for bath and bed.” I stand up, slipping my phone in my back pocket and giving Ryan an apologetic smile. “Oliver, say good night to Ryan and put away your coloring stuff.”

Oliver rips out another page from his book, handing the brightly colored T. rex to Ryan. “For you.”

Ryan stares at him for several seconds, his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open before he visibly seems to shake himself and takes the page. “Thank you. This one’s for you. Thanks for letting me color.”

As Oliver nods, Ryan scoots out from under the table and pushes himself off the floor. His muscles bunch under his shirt, and instead of staring at them like I’d like to, I turn, walking toward the door. Toward safety. The last thing I need is to get sucked back into his orbit.

“He’s a good kid.” Ryan’s voice is rough. He shoves one hand in his pockets, the other holding the page Oliver gave him, and rocks back on his heels, his eyes darting everywhere but to me.

“The best.” My response is automatic, but it doesn’t makethe words any less true. “So, I’m not going to lie and pretend I know what your life is like. I know nothing about football and even less about football players, but I’m assuming it’s something that keeps you busy.”

His eyes snap to mine, his brows drawing together, concern etched across his face. “It does.”

“Being a parent is a full-time responsibility.” I clasp my hands in front of me, twisting my fingers around each other. I take a breath and straighten my shoulders. While I don’t want to have this conversation, it needs to happen. We both need to lay our cards on the table, and if he decides to walk away, so be it. “I don’t expect you to immediately jump into Oliver’s life. This is a big decision, and I want you to be sure before you commit to being his dad. Ineedyou to be sure. I need you to think about this, at least for a couple of days.”

“Okay.” He blows out a breath, running his hands through his hair. “I’ll think on it for a day or two, but I promise, I’m not going to change my mind. I won’t let my son grow up without knowing his dad. Where do I need to go for the paternity test?”

“I’ll text you the info.”

“I mean it, June. I know you don’t know me and have absolutely no reason to trust me, but I want to be involved.”

My breath catches and my heart beats wildly. I want to believe him, I really do, but an hour of contemplation isn’t enough to decide something that will affect him—us—for a lifetime. He got to color a page, but that hardly counts as fatherly experience. It’s one thing to be there for the good moments—the smiles, the laughs ... but when sleep is fleeting and the cries are frequent, that’s when he needs to show up.

Anyone can be there for the good times; parents make the most of the bad.

“He needs to be a priority, Ryan. He comes first no matter what.”

His nod is quick, his jaw clenching slightly. “He comes first.”

I hang my head, blowing out a breath. He sure knows the right things to say, but I can’t let it get my hopes up. Not yet. I’ll give him every opportunity and help however I can, but I can’t make him truly want this added responsibility. Only time will tell. “I’ll text you tonight after I get him to bed. Thanks for showing up.”

He’s quiet for a moment before he nods again. “I’m glad I did.” He slips out into the hallway and shuts the door behind him, but before it closes, he calls out, “Good night, June.”

His words are innocent, yet they inch their way down my spine and have my entire body tingling.

It’s easy to imagine a world, a life, where I can explore these lingering feelings between us, where we can be a family, but I can’t get lost in the fantasy of things that can never be. We’re completely different people with different lives. Ryan is a professional athlete, and while I may not know everything it entails, I know he must have his life dedicated to football and must have worked his butt off to get where he is.

I’m a single mom with a bachelor’s degree in criminal justice I don’t use, and I just opened my own yoga studio. I’m still working in my mom’s law office part-time to make sure I have money coming in, and if it weren’t for the two girls renting out my space for classes, I’d be hard-pressed to make my lease payments.

He’s living his dreams, and I’m still trying to get mine off the ground.

He’s cocky, confident, and skilled in areas I’ll never forget while I’m still learning how to stand up for myself.

Our lives, our personalities, we don’t have anything in common. Well, except Oliver.

And he’s why none of this matters. He’s why I’ll sacrifice everything to make sure he’s taken care of. I need to push Ryan out of my mind and pretend to be completely unaffected by him. I have to.

SIX

Ryan

He comes first.Of course. He should.

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