Page 140 of Freeing Hook

“Wendy,” says Peter, shaking as he turns me to face him. “I’m so sorry for…for him. For the person I’ve been. I couldn’t…” He rubs at his chest, and I nod.

“I know,” I say, sighing. “I forgive you. You weren’t working with all your inhibitions.”

Peter nods, a panicked smile overcoming his features. Like he thinks maybe my forgiveness is too good to be true.

It is.

But I’m weary, and I want to see my brothers.

“I’m so glad to have you back,” he says, sliding his fingers over my ring and twirling it tenderly. “Now we can finally start our life together.”

My numb heart gives a lurch at the hope in his expression. Is that how I looked every time I stared up at Astor? Like he had crafted the very world I inhabit? Like he was the only source I could count on for my next breath?

I’m not sure who that thought makes me hate more: Astor or myself.

I wince, and Peter blinks, confused.

Slowly, I slip my hand away from Peter’s. I don’t want to talk about this right now. Don’t want to ever have this conversation, but I can’t bear for him to cling onto that stupid, desperate hope. Can’t stand to do the same thing to him that Astor did to me, stringing me along for his own benefit.

“I’m not staying,” I say.

Peter blinks. “You don’t want to stay in Neverland?”

I furrow my brow; saying the words actually hurts, but I don’t know how else to get him to understand. “I don’t want to stay with you.”

Peter flinches. And I realize it’s the first time I’ve ever seen him make that expression. The first time he’s ever felt that kind of sting in my presence. It looks unnatural on his usually carefree face.

“But we’re Mates,” he says.

That, at least, stirs a bit of annoyance inside of me. “I’m aware. But I’m also aware that our being Mates wasn’t the original plan.”

Peter goes still, his familiar blank expression returning. “You’re mad because I didn’t tell you about Astor.”

“No,” I say, running my hand through my hair. “Well, yes, but that’s not the point, Peter. The point is that I don’t know who I am. The point is that, my whole life, my soul has been split in two, and I’ve been unknowingly making decisions based on the two of you. The point is that if I had the choice…”

Peter’s face turns to stone. “You would choose him.”

This time, I don’t back down from Peter’s pain. His discomfort. “Yes.”

“Even after everything he did to you? Even after he chose her over you?”

I take a breath in, frustrated that he doesn’t understand. “No. No, of course not. But before I knew that, I chose him, Peter. I chose him, not knowing if he’d choose me. Fairly sure he wouldn’t choose me, honestly. And I’m not tossing you the leftovers just because he didn’t choose me back. I’m not marrying you when I…” I let out a tiny sob. “When I still wish he’d made a different choice.”

“Is that what your plan was, then?” Peter asks, backing away. “Did you go to the cave to break the Sister’s blessing just so when you crushed me I could actually feel it?”

“What? Of course not,” I say. “And it’s not a blessing, it’s a curse.”

“I don’t remember asking you to break it,” he says through gritted teeth.

“Do you even hear yourself?” I hate how my voice spikes as shrill as the wind howling around us. “That curse was turning you into a monster. Or have you forgotten what you almost did to me at the Carlisles’? What you did to Iaso?”

At that, Peter actually blanches. Guilt immediately pierces my ribcage, but I refuse to let it master me.

“Tell me the truth,” he says. “Were you really breaking it for me?”

I open my mouth to tell him, “Of course.” But my tongue stops me, and I shake my head, wrapping my hands around my waist.

Peter approaches, softly this time, taking my cheek in his hand. “You wanted me to love you,” he says. “You wanted all of me; I know you did.”

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