Page 118 of Freeing Hook

“If those shackles were the only thing securing you to the best thing that’s happened to you in over a decade?” asks Maddox. “Yeah. Yeah, I would.”

My heart patters against my chest, appreciation for the ship’s first mate welling in my heart. He might be Astor’s friend first,but that only makes it more meaningful that he considers me so highly. I’m unsure what I did to deserve it.

“Claiming Wendy is the best thing to happen to me in over a decade is a bit of a stretch, don’t you think?” says Astor. “For one, it ignores that she was the worst thing to ever happen to me prior to that.”

“She was a child, Nolan. And unconscious, if I understand correctly. You know as well as I do that Wendy had no more to do with Iaso’s death than Iaso did. They were both victims. Just in different ways. So what is this really about?”

At this, Astor seems to snap, his tone chilled. “I don’t want Wendy. Why would I want to be Mated to someone I don’t want?”

“If you don’t want her,” challenges Maddox, “why does it matter if you’re Mated to her or not? Why go through the trouble of removing your Mark if it has no effect on you?”

“Is it so difficult to believe that I wish to set Darling free from her infatuation with me? It’s unnatural for a woman to feel such things toward the man who murdered her parents.”

For a moment, my heart lifts, but it’s a stupid moment. I let myself hope that Astor’s hesitation lies in believing my feelings for him aren’t real, but then Maddox scoffs. “Nice. Did you come up with that excuse before or after she confessed her love for you?”

Astor lets out an aggrieved breath. “You don’t believe me?”

“Nolan. You don’t believe Wendy’s parents were worthy of love. In fact, I consider it proof that Wendy’s presence has softened you. Otherwise, I think you’d derive some sick pleasure from making her love you.”

“I didn’t make her do anything.”

Maddox ignores him, plowing onward. “And I don’t believe you when you claim not to want Wendy, either.”

“Well, if you’re looking for proof of my lack of feelings, I’m afraid I have nothing to show you.”

“She was right, you know,” Maddox insists. “You really do look to her in a crowd. And you touch her more than is actually functionally necessary. Besides, you talk about her constantly.”

“Darling has made herself vital to my mission. Of course she comes up in conversation.”

“Yes, well, I guess I’m too dense to grasp how it’s vital to our mission that Charlie rid the wardrobe in her room of any trace of velvet. Or how reminding us how Darling used to climb the outer facade of her parents’ clock tower at the age of twelve has anything to do with the mission. Yet it somehow comes up in conversation unprovoked anyway.”

Even though I can’t see him around the corner, I feel the air around Astor stiffen. “I never claimed not to enjoy Darling’s company.”

I fight back a groan, knowing how my stupid heart is going to twist this statement into a foothold for which to support my foolish hope.

“Hah!” Maddox says. I peek around the corner just in time to witness him jamming Astor in the shoulder with his finger.

Astor shrugs him off. “That doesn’t mean I want her.”

“Oh yeah? What was Wendy referring to when she mentioned ‘that night in the crow’s nest’?”

“A mistake that thankfully did not get the chance to occur.”

My heart aches at the surety in the captain’s voice.

“A mistake, huh?”

“Yes, Maddox. What do you want to hear?” Astor flicks his hands, opening his palms to the ceiling in exasperation. “Would you like me to admit that I’m attracted to the girl? You’ve seen her yourself. You could have figured that out on your own. And yes, I’ll admit that I enjoy her company, our conversations. When she actually speaks her mind instead ofrepeating whatever it is she thinks you want to hear, that is. But overstepping boundaries with her—it would have been a mistake. You overheard her on deck. She’s gotten it into her head that our relationship is more than it is. She’s….” Astor sighs, rubbing his forehead with his fingers. “Kind. She’s kind and humorous and clever—I expect even more so in that head of hers than she reveals. But she’s so very lost, Maddox. You wouldn’t need a storm to toss her about. It’s not as though I blame her for that. Her parents keeping her cooped up, Peter whispering to her from the shadows all those years, her entire upbringing hanging on one value: that she be desirable…they did her a great disservice. But she’s sensed my attraction—granted, it’s my fault entirely that I let it show—and my desire for her conversation, and she’s warped it in her mind into something it’s not. Into her salvation. And I’m certainly not that.”

Maddox goes quiet for a moment. “Have you ever considered that you could be happy with her? That perhaps good conversation and a bit of attraction might be enough?”

“Have you? When it comes to Charlie?”

Maddox suddenly finds a spot on his shoe quite interesting, but Astor returns to Maddox’s original question. “There might have been a time when I would have considered what we share to be more than enough. But if I could have Iaso back…well, it’s not Darling I’d choose.” There’s a bit of shame in the dip of his voice. “She would choose me over Peter. I believed her today, when she said as much. Darling deserves better than to be first by means of elimination. She deserves better than what I have to offer. Of that, I’m certain.”

Maddox frowns. “So you’ll let her go back to Peter? After everything he’s done to her?”

Astor doesn’t answer that.

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