He was going stir-crazy the past few days since he wasn’t cleared to do anything active. And as an extremely active person, lying around and watching TV or playing video games got boring quickly for my brother.
“You don’t have to apologize,” I tell him as I glance over my shoulder and give him a smile. “This is your home, so you are free to do whatever you want.”
Nash shrugs, and I drop down onto the bed beside him. “I know, but it’s a little different with Posey now. I trust Lincoln with my entire life, so it’s not that I don’t trust him here with her or anything like that. I just feel like an asshole for not telling you about it.”
“Nash, I promise it is fine,” I tell him as I bump my shoulder into his. “Lincoln being here is the least of my concerns. I have Posey who keeps me plenty busy, and I start working in person again tomorrow.”
I work as the director of the astronomy department at the Aston Science Museum, and after Posey was born, I was able to work remotely, making my own schedule. I only went back part-time, since she required a lot of my time, but now that she was starting to talk, I felt comfortable about sending her to day care. They had been asking me to come into the museum for a few months now, and I decided to finally take the plunge.
“How are you feeling about that?” Nash asks me.
“Good,” I tell him with honesty. I am feeling good about it, even if I am a little nervous about leaving her for almost an entire day. “Since I’m only working six hours, it’s not as bad as working full days.”
Nash nods. “It will be good for Posey to socialize and make some friends.”
“That little girl is social enough as it is,” I admit with a soft laugh. Posey does not understand the concept of stranger danger, but then again, she’s only two. I hope it changes as she gets older because she’s a little chatter bug and will strike up a conversation with anyone.
“She’s exactly like you were,” Nash says with his eyes growing misty as he stares at me for a second. “She’s a little free spirit, drifting through the wind like a dandelion. She’s your mini-me, Nova. It’s amazing to witness.”
“Well, I think I have a little more sense of danger since having a kid.”
Nash purses his lips. “You have changed, I won’t lie, but I think that’s expected with motherhood. You’re still you though.” He pauses and taps his finger against my chest. “You’ve never cared much for others’ opinions. You live your life without any regrets.”
Internally, I wince. My brother is severely mistaken if he thinks I have no regrets.
There are a few things I’ve done that I would consider a regret, but I try not to live my life by giving any attention to them. Regrets are a thing for the past, and all you can do is keep moving and live your life differently than you did then.
“Things have changed, Nash,” I remind him as I lay onto my back and stare up at the ceiling. “I have responsibilities now, so I have to think a little more about the choices I make before Imake them. There are more people than just myself who would be affected now.”
“I don’t know how you do it, though,” he says quietly as he rolls onto his back, and we lay side by side, just like we used to do when we were kids. Nash and I are only eighteen months apart. Growing up, we were always extremely close, and our friend groups tended to overlap. He was the one person I could count on and my closest confidant.
“How I do what?” I ask him as I turn my head to the side to face him. My brother and I could have passed as twins when we were younger. We have the same matching shade of blue eyes, the same facial features.
“Keep it all together.” He pauses and turns his head to look at me. There’s something brewing in his irises, and I’m not sure what I’m missing. “You ended up in a relationship with an asshole who signed over his rights to his kid after you broke up. I don’t get how you’re still a ray of fucking sunshine.”
I stare at my brother for a moment, wishing I could dissect his mind and see what’s really bothering him right now. “I don’t have a choice, Nash. If I walked around miserable and lived my life with negativity, what good would that do anyone?” I pause and let out a ragged breath. “I have to set an example for Poe, and I want her to see me as someone who is strong. Someone who continued to push through the hard times.”
Nash’s eyebrows pull together as he narrows his eyes. “Are you sure you’re not eating mushrooms again?”
I can’t help myself as I let out a string of laughter. “That was a long time ago, asshole. You know I don’t do that anymore.”
I may have gone through a little phase in college where I discovered the wonders of poisoning my body with psychedelic mushrooms.
“Sometimes I wonder if it altered your brain chemistry completely, but then I remember you were always like this.”His face relaxes. “Maybe Mom was eating them when she was pregnant with you.”
The laughter that slips from both of us has transformed into a moment of sadness. “I wish she was here,” I tell him, my voice barely audible.
Our mother was the greatest woman to walk the earth. She was a quirky, spiritual woman. She’s the reason why I followed in her footsteps and work in astronomy. Even though she spent so much time studying the world beyond us, she was always sure to involve Nash and me. She was the most caring and devoted mother.
I was fifteen when she got sick, and she passed away the day before my sixteenth birthday.
“So do I,” Nash admits, his voice low, sticking in his throat from the emotion. “You know, she would be so proud of you.”
“She would love Poe,” I tell him as a sad smile stretches across my lips. “She would be so proud of you too. Watching you play was always her favorite thing to do.”
Nash snorts. “Staring at the fucking sky was her favorite thing,” he says as he lets out a gentle laugh.
“Okay, but watching you play was a close second then.”