Page 41 of Make Your Move

Posey stomps her foot and abruptly drops down onto her bottom on the floor. I stare down at her, feeling the frustration building within me. She glares at me, her arms crossed over her chest and eyebrows set.

Her cheeks are a rosy tint, and she shakes her head at me again. “No,” she says in a tone that makes my brain feel like it’s going to explode.

“Posey,” I say gently, crouching down to her. “We have to go to the grocery store.

“No.”

The muscle in my jaw tightens, and my chest rises to epic proportions as I inhale the deepest breath I can muster. Posey woke up on the wrong side of bed this morning, and she has been nothing but defiant and challenging. From what I’ve been told and have read, this is just an age thing, but holy shit, it’s been driving me absolutely insane.

Usually she’s compliant and polite, so when she acts like this, I don’t know how to handle her. My gentle approaches don’t work. She’s not old enough to understand repercussions fully, so when I ask her to look at me and take big, deep breaths, it just escalates things.

I’ve been trying to coax her out the door for the past half an hour, but she does not want to go to the store. Rolling my wrist, I check my watch and see we have ten minutes to be there on time for my scheduled pick-up, and there’s no way that’s going to happen now. By the time I get her out and into the car now, we will be significantly late.

“Posey, please,” I say, half pleading with her as I feel the desperation in my voice. I shouldn’t have to beg my damn toddler to cooperate, but it feels like I’m arguing with a little demon right now. It doesn’t help that she’s been refusing to nap recently, and her nap time was three hours ago.

She scoots on her butt, turning away from me as she shakes her head. “No!”

I let out a breath, feeling overwhelmed as I rise back up and walk over to the counter, leaving her where she is on the floor. She’s safe there, and I need a fucking breath before I lose my shit. Tears prick my eyes, and I walk into the laundry room, planting my hands on the washer as I lean forward and close my eyes.

I get approximately eighty-two seconds of peace before she comes running into the laundry room almost in tears. Turning to her, I tilt my head to the side, looking at her as I realize I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.

“Come here, Poe,” I say softly, bending down with my hands out to her. She walks over to me, the tears disappearing from her eyes as I lift her into the air.

Even with the support system I have, parenting is hard. Nothing can prepare you for moments like this, and being by myself makes it that much more challenging. I don’t know what I’m doing with her half the time, and sometimes it would just be nice to have someone else. Someone I could bounce ideas off of or someone to help me navigate these trying times.

I have my brother, but it’s different. At the end of the day, he’s her uncle, not her father. He’s just my brother, not my partner.

Posey starts to move in my arms. “Down, Mommy,” she says, her voice demanding. It’s like she doesn’t know what she does or doesn’t want, and it’s making it extremely hard for me to figure out what to do for her.

I set her down as a defeated sigh escapes me. “Let’s go snuggle and read a story.”

“No.” She stomps her feet before dropping down onto the ground in a rush. I watch her as she transforms into a total monster, having a full-on meltdown. “No nap.”

She lies on the floor, kicking her feet, looking like she needs an exorcism. “Posey, you are tired, and you need a nap. This is not how we behave.”

Posey stops for one second, looks at me and starts wailing. I’m momentarily paralyzed, my eyes wide as I watch the horror movie unfolding in front of me. My brain finally starts to work, and I lift my hands, planting my palms against the sides of my head, right over my temple as I resist the urge to scream and pull my hair out in chunks.

There has been no consoling her when she’s like this, and I’m at a total loss. I can’t stop the tears of frustration as they begin to fall from my eyes. They streak down my cheeks, matching Posey’s as we’re both on the edge of insanity. “Posey, please just stop,” I practically beg, the exasperation evident in my voice. “Just stop!”

Careful of where she is on the floor, I step over her and walk into the mudroom when I see Lincoln standing in the kitchen just beyond the doorway. His expression is soft, his eyes warm as his gaze collides with mine. His eyebrows crease, and he looks at Posey on the floor before looking back at me. That’s all it takes for him to walk directly to me.

“Hey,” he says quietly as he reaches up to grab my wrists. He pulls my hands away from my face and lifts his own to cup my cheeks as he brushes the tears away from my eyes. “Is she having a meltdown again?”

I nod, not trusting my voice as I swallow back the emotion in my throat.

His eyes peer into mine. “Are you okay?”

A ragged breath escapes me. “Nothing I do is helping right now,” I admit, my voice barely audible. I look down at Posey with Lincoln still cupping the sides of my face. “She just keeps freaking out, and I literally don’t know what the fuck to do.”

“Hey,” he says softly, pulling my attention back to him. “I want you to get your keys and go. Go get a coffee, go read a book, go do whatever the hell you want. I got this, and I got her, okay?”

Closing my eyes, I shake my head at him, feeling the tears burning behind my eyelids again. “It’s okay, Lincoln. She’s not your problem. I can do this.”

“Nova,” he says my name, demanding my eyes. “I know you can do this, but right now, you don’t have to. I am here.” He pauses for a second, his throat bobbing as he swallows. “Maybe you aren’t what she needs right now. Let me try, okay?”

Words momentarily fail me as I stare at him, counting three erratic heartbeats in my chest. This is the first time someone has been around during a meltdown this bad. This is the first time I’ve had someone do something like this for me.

“Go, Nova,” he urges as he drops his hands away from my face. He reaches for me, pulling me into the kitchen, farther away from Posey. “We will be here, okay?”

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