Page 23 of Make Your Move

CHAPTER ELEVEN

NOVA

“Mommy,” Posey calls out to me from the back seat as we drive home from day care. We’ve gotten into a great schedule and routine with me working twice a week and her going to day care. She adjusted so well and has been doing great there, which has been such a relief.

I look at her through the rearview mirror as we continue to drive down the road. “Yes, Poe?”

“Mommy, wook,” she says, pointing out the window. I glance over to the side, and there’s a small petting zoo along the side of the road. There’s a field filled with goats, and they run and jump on the different platforms on their own little playground. “Sheep, Mommy!”

A laugh falls from my lips, and I shake my head at her. “No, baby, they are goats.” I press my foot on the brake, slowing down as the car in front of me flips on its turn signal. “Should we stop and feed the goats?”

Posey claps her hands with her excitement building as she wiggles in her seat. “Yeah!”

A smile lifts my lips, and I follow the car in front of me, flipping on my turn signal before we start to pull into the drivethat leads to the parking lot. I have brought Posey here before, but it has been a while since we’ve visited here.

She can barely contain herself after I park and go to the back to get her out of her car seat. Her little lips are moving as she starts talking about the different animals. Some of her words still sound like babbles, but she’s very well-spoken for her age. Her little feet are already moving as soon as they hit the pavement.

I grab my bag from the car and take her hand before she ends up sprinting over to the fence. We walk over to the small covered bridge that takes you into the petting zoo. There’s a pond in the center that has a bunch of ducks and fish and there are different pens around the perimeter.

They have a handful of goats, some pigs, miniature horses, a few deer, and two cows. There are a few other people walking around, stopping at the little dispensers to get handfuls of food to feed to the animals. Posey lets go of my hand, since we’re safely in an enclosed area now, and she takes off running over to one of the dispensers.

I catch up with her and slip my hand into my bag for a few quarters to pay for the food. Posey puts her hand under the small door as I put the coin in and turn the knob. She waits patiently, and the little pieces of feed ding against the metal as they fill the small compartment. I flip open the lid, and it fills Posey’s little palm to the brim. I end up having to catch the rest of the pieces before they fall onto the ground.

Posey heads over to the goats first, and I crouch down to help her feed them. She giggles loudly as the goats push against each other, trying to get to her first. One tickles her palm as it takes the small pellets from her palm. I watch her, feeling my heart swelling inside my chest at the simplicity of her happiness.

Her life hasn’t been difficult, thank god, but I have this incessant need to fill the void of her father not being involved.I don’t want her to ever feel like she missed out on anything during these years. Thankfully, she won’t remember him not being around, but one day, I’m afraid it may affect her. It’s my job to make sure she’s strong enough to handle those feelings if they arise.

Dane is the one who is missing out on all these moments with her, not the other way around. We’re both better off without his involvement, but that doesn’t change the fact that he gave her up. That doesn’t soften the blow at all. If anything, it makes it worse.

I stare down at my daughter as we walk over to the pen of deer, and I just don’t understand. She’s the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. How the hell could someone not want to be involved in her life?

Honestly, I don’t think there’s a good enough answer for that question, and I know I’ll never be happy with any answer I receive.

All I have to do is make sure Posey grows up always knowing she was worth it.

She is worth every sacrifice I have to make.

We spend a good hour at the petting zoo before we finally get back on the road to continue our drive home. When I pull into the driveway, I see my brother’s car is already there, but I don’t see Lincoln’s on the street where he normally parks.

My chest deflates in a way it shouldn’t, and I quickly push the feelings away as I get Posey from the back. Having Lincoln here in my space has been the hardest test of my life. It’s borderline impossible to keep my distance from him without looking like a recluse hiding in my bedroom.

Thankfully, they’ve been busy with practice and games and team bonding activities, so that has helped to not have to be around him all the time.

He has a way of muddying my thoughts and kicking my heart into overdrive. I thought I was over the little crush I had on him until I saw him again. It’s like everything came crashing back at once, and I know it’s a terrible idea. A distraction like Lincoln Matthews is the last thing I need in my life.

He’s a distraction that will only break my heart, and I can’t have feelings for him if I want to protect myself. I have to be careful with him because unreciprocated feelings are only a recipe for disaster and heartbreak.

I have a habit of romanticizing things in my life. The way he speaks, the words he says, the way he looks at me. All of it makes my heart pitter-patter, but I can’t just ride on the high he gives me. He’s made it clear that he has no intention of settling down with anyone, and I am the type who craves that.

As I’m walking up to the side door, Nash is walking out of it. “Hey,” he calls out with a bright smile on his face. He pauses, holding the door open for me as I walk past him with Posey following after me. She stops, and he scoops her up before coming back into the house with us.

“How is my favorite little princess?” he asks Posey as he gives her a gentle squeeze. “Did you have the best day at day care?”

She nods, hugging him before she pulls back to look at him. I half listen as she tells him about her day, although it’s a little hard to follow since most of her words are pronounced differently still, or they’re a bit broken. Nash seems to know exactly what she’s saying as he nods along and asks her follow-up questions.

The two of them are lost in their own little conversation as I kick off my shoes and we walk into the kitchen. Nash finishes up with Posey and sets her down. Lincoln comes strolling intothe kitchen, and my heart skips a beat in my chest. Excitement swirls in the pit of my stomach. I wasn’t expecting him to be here right now.

Posey smiles brightly at Lincoln, and I watch him crouch down to talk to her. She has his undivided attention, and she’s soaking it up. Posey has a way of lighting up the room and captivating everyone.

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