Page 14 of Homestead

“Good night, Chloe.”

I stand there for another minute since it feels like something else should happen. Nothing does, so I quietly open the door, step inside, and smile at him once more before I close the door in his face.

I let out a breath and try to shake off the confusing, tense interaction. Then I realize I’m not alone in the room.

Paula retired even earlier than me. She’s propped up on the pillows on her bed and reading a book. From the worn leather cover, I assume it’s a Bible.

“I’m sorry,” I say automatically although I have nothing to be sorry for. “I didn’t realize you were here. I won’t disturb you.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she says with a smile. She’s got steel-gray hair cut short and a plain, pleasant face. “You’re not disturbing me, and it’s your room as much as mine.”

“Yeah. I guess so. I still don’t want to bother you if you’re reading.”

“I can read through any distraction. Someone as sweet and quiet as you won’t bother me at all.”

It strikes me as funny that she calls me sweet and quiet. I don’t think of myself like that in any way. My mind is always working, and only occasionally would my thoughts be considered agreeable.

But I learned from my parents that life is easier when you behave, and I learned from Grandpa to always be smart when you’re dependent on others. To butter them up and play nice.

These people don’t have to know who I really am. They only need to like me and not view me as an annoyance or a burden.

As I pour water into the basin to wash up and brush my teeth before bed, Paula says, “So I heard the big news.”

“Oh. Yeah.” I blush but hide it by rubbing a wet washcloth over my face.

“Are you excited?”

“Yeah. I am. It’s a good thing. It’s just… unexpected.”

“Eh, I’ve caught him staring at you a bunch of times. Think he was interested from the beginning.”

If anything, my cheeks burn even hotter. “Really?”

“Yes. That’s my take anyway. Plus things happen faster now than they used to. People don’t have time to play around and hem and haw and romanticize and waste months and years before they commit. And Jimmy’s been on his own a few years now. Ever since his wife died.”

“He had a wife?” I lower my washcloth and turn around to face her.

“Yeah, he did. She died like three or four years ago. They got married right out of high school, and I think they did pretty well together. They didn’t think she could get pregnant, but she finally did. But the baby came way too early, and then she and the baby both died.”

“Oh.” My chest clenches. That must have been so hard for him. “That’s terrible.”

“I’m sure it was. I wasn’t around here then, but that’s what I’ve heard about him. He seems like a decent guy. You could do a lot worse.”

“I know. I’m glad about it. Kind of nervous since I’ve never done anything like it before, but still glad.”

“That’s understandable. Anyone would feel the same way.” She pauses as if second-guessing herself, then decides to go ahead. “Have you had a boyfriend before?”

I shake my head. “I was fourteen at Impact, and then my grandfather and I lived all by ourselves in the middle of the woods. I mean, I guess there was a guy in my class I liked when I was fourteen. We went to the movies once and we’d text each other. But we never even kissed.”

Paula’s face is sympathetic. “You’ll do fine. Jimmy’s not a bad man. He’s not going to hurt you.”

“I didn’t ever think he would. I just want to make sure… make sure he’s happy with me.”

With a laugh, Paula says, “I wouldn’t get too uptight about it if I were you. Most men really aren’t all that complicated.”

I frown. “What do you mean?” As far as I’m concerned, men as a whole are unknowable, mysterious creatures. I have almost no experience of my own to draw on here.

“I don’t think it will be too hard to make him happy. Don’t waste your time on trivial, superficial things that aren’t going to matter to him. You don’t need to polish the silver or scrub the floor every day. You don’t need to set the table real fancy or put on a big show. Just make sure he eats good and the house feels pleasant and peaceful. Listen to him when he has something to say. You’re exceptionally pretty, so it shouldn’t be hard for you to give him something nice to look at. And blow jobs. A lot of them.”

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