Page 86 of Sanctuary

When I’ve finally had enough, I gently pull his hand away and shift positions so I can give him what he needs too. He grunts as he thrusts up into me harder and faster. I squeeze around him and grind down against his pumps. It’s only a couple of minutes before he’s able to let go.

His exclamation of release is too loud, so I cover his mouth with my hand to stifle the sound.

He jerks beneath me and gasps against my hand until he’s worked through his release. Then he reaches up to take my hand, kissing my palm before drawing it away.

“Sorry about that, love,” he rasps, smiling up at me, his face flushed and damp. “I’ve got to learn to be quieter.”

I giggle and let his cock slip out of me. Lie down on top of him again, kissing him before I bury my face against the crook of his neck. “We won’t always be sharing this cottage, so you won’t always have to be quiet.”

It feels like he’s smiling, although I can’t see his expression. “I wouldn’t normally consider myself an uninhibited person, but there’s something about you that drives me wild.”

I laugh again, soft and fond. Kiss the throbbing pulse in his throat. He’s still trying to catch his breath. “I’m sorry we can’t be totally wild.”

“Like you said, we won’t always be sharing a cottage.”

“That’s not what I mean.” Now that the thought has flashed into my mind, it’s demanding attention. So as embarrassing as it is, I make myself explain. “I mean, with all my issues, I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to… I’ll do the best I can, but it’s possible we won’t ever be able to have really wild, dirty, rough sex. If it’s too much like that, it might make me.. make me sick.”

“I never want to do anything you’re not comfortable with, sweetheart. You know that.”

“I do know that. And I appreciate it. That you’ve always been so… so careful and gentle with me. But I don’t want you to be disappointed in… in…”

Aidan’s body has grown still beneath mine. “Breanna, I’m not sure how you were planning to finish that sentence, but I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that there’s absolutely nothing about being with you—emotionally or physically—that’s been disappointing to me.”

“Okay.” I gulp over a tension in my throat. “I hope not. It’s just that… Like you said last month, back before the attack, the shit in our lives follows us, and what’s happened in my past is always going to follow me to a certain extent. And it’s going to limit the kind of sex we have. And I’d feel bad if you couldn’t get what you needed.”

He lifts up my head so he can see my expression. “Have I ever made you question that I’m not getting exactly what I need in you?”

I shake my head since he never has.

“Then where is this coming from? Why have you gotten it into your head that I’m secretly hoping for a lot of rough, raunchy fucking from you?”

I open my mouth to answer but close it again because I honestly don’t have an answer for him. It’s simply an insecurity that filled my head just now. “I… I don’t know. I was just suddenly worried. I mean, some men… some men have fantasies. They want it like that.”

“And some men don’t.” He cups my cheek and meets my eyes soberly. “Sweetheart, men are as different from each other as women are. We don’t all want the same things. I’m not like the men who’ve used you in the past. I don’t want to use your body to feed my ego, and I don’t need to dominate you to feel like a man. I guess I’ve always been rather an old-fashioned guy. I married young and never felt the compulsion to sow a lot of wild,dirty oats. Until you, I didn’t have sex with anyone after Sarah and the boys died. I barely even felt the urges. I want…” He turns his head to the side for a moment like he’s almost embarrassed at himself. But he continues, “I want to love you, not possess you. This is me, love. Getting everything I want with you. Letting go completely. This is what it looks like for me.”

I clench my eyes and throat around a little sob of feeling. But I nod so he knows I’ve heard and understood. When I’ve gotten the emotion under control, I rasp, “This is what it looks like for me too.”

“Then we’re good.” He pulls me down to kiss him. “Because loving you exactly like this fulfills every fantasy I’ve ever had.”

Six weeks later, Aidan and I push his cart out of Monument’s front gate and head out onto the road again.

We’ve got a relatively short trip planned. We’re going to deliver a few messages—two for the town and one to check in with a network that Maria, Mack, and the folks in Kentucky set up to provide assistance to folks who need it. They arranged a few different drop spots in this region, so we’re going to check the one closest to us.

Then we’ll head to Sharpsburg to see if James has any new jobs for us and over to the militia ranch to check in with Agatha.

Aidan and I have decided to keep our home base as Monument but still travel quite a bit. We probably won’t be able to cover as much territory as Aidan used to. He’s almost completely healed now, but he’ll never be in the same condition he was after suffering such a severe injury. And I don’t always want to be on the run like I used to be.

I’d kind of like to finally put down a few roots.

So the next week traveling will be a test run—not only to see if Aidan is up to it yet but also to see if it’s going to work for us to do our travelling together.

If not, we can settle, and we can each go out on runs alone whenever we want. We’ve agreed we can make it work either way.

Aidan is smiling as the sun hits his skin and glints brightly off his hair. The air is cool but not frigid, relatively comfortable for winter. He’s got his hand on one of the handles of his cart, and I’m gripping the other.

“You excited?” I ask him, although I already know the answer.

“Yes. I’ve missed this.”

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