Page 70 of Sanctuary

If anyone can get us behind those walls, it’s him.

As the rest of the day passes and night falls, Aidan makes no attempt to speak to me alone. In a way, it’s a relief, but in another way, it bothers me. He must have no real desire to make things up to me if he’s not even trying to talk.

He told me he loves me. I’m not sure I believe him, but I’m pretty surehebelieved it. Would a man in love really be so silent and withdrawn? Not sad but resigned. Like he’s content to walk straight to his doom.

It doesn’t feel right to me. It bothers me.

I try to go to sleep early with the others because we have a pre-dawn start the next day, but I can’t sleep. I toss and turn, conscious of the presence of Del and Cole nearby. I don’t know where Aidan is sleeping tonight, but it isn’t near me.

Finally, I can’t take it anymore. I sit up. Then stand up.

“Y’okay?” Del mumbles, blinking up at me from where she’s lying at Cole’s side.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” I think quickly of an excuse for my precipitous rise. “Just got to go to the bathroom.”

“Okay. Be careful.”

Cole reaches over without speaking and pulls my pistol out of the holster I took off before I lay down. He hands it to me with a silent imperative.

I accept the gun with a nod. If I’m going outside on my own at night, I sure as hell better have my weapon. “I’ll be careful. I’ll be back.”

The floor of the old store is crowded with people. Most are already sleeping, but some are sitting around and talking softly. I recognize the tension in the air.

The last gasp before the plunge.

I duck outside by a side door, sucking in big inhales of cold night air.

At least it’s not raining. The air is bone dry.

The old parking lot of the mall is overgrown with weeds and shrubs, most of them brown and dead. There are several abandoned vehicles scattered around. A couple of toppled streetlight poles. Farther past the parking lot the woods have grown up, creeping around the edges of the cracked pavement.

The moon is full tonight. The sky is clear, and the stars are bright. The lingering remnants of the world that used to be take on an eerie significance in the pale light.

I used to go shopping at malls like this. Not all that long ago.

Ages ago.

I don’t actually need to go to the bathroom. I haven’t eaten or drunk very much all day. So I stand by myself and breathe. Wonder how the hell I even got here.

“You okay, love?”

I release the breath I’ve just taken as I feel Aidan approach from behind me. “I’m fine.”

“You always say that, whether it’s true or not.”

I think about it. Decide he’s right. “How do you expect me to answer?”

“I expect you lie to me. I know you’re not going to open up to me again.”

He’s moved to stand beside me. He’s looking out at the landscape the same way I was before.

I don’t know how to reply, so I don’t say anything.

When I’m silent, he goes on, “I had my chance with you. I blew it. I’m not expecting any sort of second chance.”

“Would you even want one?” I frown up at him, trying to understand what’s going on behind his composure.

His jaw tightens. “Of course I would. I’d give anything for one. But I know how hard it was for you to trust me, and I broke that trust.” He gives me a faint reflection of his old sardonic smile. “You know me. No lost causes. No running into brick walls.

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