Page 61 of Sanctuary

The pleasure is coiling tight again, building in power. And I need it. Ineedit.

“Please don’t stop,” I choke out. “I’m so close. Please don’t stop.”

He doesn’t. He intensifies his ministrations.

I come again, messier and louder. I’m clutching at his hair now, trying to hold his head in place as I ride out the orgasm. He might have kept going, but when the sensations finally lessen, I tug his head up.

“Is that enough?” he asks.

“Enough?” My throat is blocked by a laugh. “I’ve never come so hard in my life.”

His eyes warm. “Is that right?”

“Yes, that’s right.” I wrap my arms around him when he moves back up my body. “Although I shouldn’t have told you because you were already smug enough.”

“Smug?” It sounds like he’s laughing inside.

“Yes. Definitely smug.”

He kisses me. I burrow against his body, sated and affectionate and clingier than I ever knew myself to be.

He’s quiet for a few minutes, staring up at the ceiling. It feels like he’s thinking about something, and this is proven when he finally asks very softly, “Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course. Why couldn’t you ask me something?”

“You may not want to answer, and that’s okay. But I’d like to ask anyway.”

“Ask what?” For some reason, I’m holding my breath.

“Why do you always beg me not to stop when you’re about to come?”

The mild question lingers in the air for several moments. I lick my lips but otherwise hold myself very still.

“It’s all right if you don’t want to answer,” he adds at last.

I clear my throat. “I don’t mind answering. I actually didn’t realize… I didn’t realize I said that sometimes.”

“You say it every time.” He turns to face me, cupping one of my cheeks. “Like you’re afraid I’m going to stop. That I won’t give you what you need. I hope you know I’ll never do that.”

“I do. I know that. It’s just…” I try to give him an answer. I really do. But I can’t seem to get the words out.

He helps me by murmuring, “You told me there was that one guy in your past. The one who liked to be dominant. You said he liked to play games with you. Did he… withhold?”

“Yes. Yes, he did. He enjoyed it.” My cheeks are burning, and I can’t quite meet his eyes. “He figured out things that turned me on, and he’d get me going on purpose. He wanted me to only ever come from his dick, so he’d test me. See how long I could hold out.”

Aidan slides his hand back into my hair. Combs it back from my face. His eyes never leave my face. He’s obviously listening.

“And… and I couldn’t always hold out. I’d come before he said to. So then he would punish me. He’d get me aroused over and over but not let me come for days at a time sometimes.”

He’s breathing heavily now, and his jaw has tensed up, although his hand is moving against my hair with intentional care.

“And the worst thing…” A little sob catches in my throat, so I have to breathe through it before I continue. “The worst thing is that I didn’t fight him. I mean, I couldn’t have overpowered him, but I went to him willingly and he never kept me there by force. I just… I just submitted to it. Took the crumbs of physical pleasure he offered. As if I…”

I’m shaking now. Aidan makes a noise in his throat and pulls me against him. Wraps both arms around me very tightly.

It helps. I’m able to finish the sentence in a harsh whisper. “As if that’s all I deserved.”

He still doesn’t say anything. I’m actually not sure he’s capable of speaking at the moment. He’s clearly reining in a strong reaction to what I’ve told him. But he keeps hugging me, squeezing me as tightly as I need.

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