Page 58 of Sanctuary

The whole world shudders with the tension in my chest, in my heart. “I… I really believe that he’s changed.”

“Okay.”

“That self-preservation was never who he really was. It was just the way he was able to get through life and trauma. And he’s finally able to let it go. He’s proved that to me.”

“Okay.” She squeezes my forearm again. “Okay. Then I’m happy for you.”

“Are you?” I peer at her closely, looking for the truth.

“Yes. I’m still a little anxious, but I can get over that. I’ve always liked him. You know that. And I think the two of you are a good match. I told Cole a while back that the reason you two grated on each other so much is because you’re so much alike. It’s like you weren’t lined up quite right, but once you were, you could click perfectly into place.”

That makes me chuckle. I like the mental image. “That’s one way to look at it.”

“Just be careful with your heart.”

“I will. You know me. I always am.”

The words are familiar. I’ve said them to Del before. More than once. And they used to always be true.

But I’ve changed as much as Aidan has, and I don’t want to always be holding life at arm’s length for fear that it might hurt me.

I want a real life. And the only way to get it is to finally—finally—take a risk with my heart.

9

Aidan arrivesthe next day exactly as we planned. He brings with him the barrel of corn and the outfit for Cole the folks in Sharpsburg were holding for me after completion of the package delivery.

James gave us a couple of new jobs that we should be able to take care of within a few days.

With other people, Aidan is back to his clever nonchalance, never giving anything away and never acting like he cares very much. It doesn’t bother me because I know it’s not real—and he doesn’t act like that with me.

He stays with me in my room in the cottage. It’s odd to have him in our domestic space, but it also gives me a giddy kind of pleasure.

Like it’s real.

It wasn’t simply a mountaintop experience. Our relationship didn’t only exist in that isolated bubble. When we’re alone, Aidan’s eyes and his mouth are just as soft as I remember. His hands are just as gentle. His voice is just as tender.

Del was doing her best to protect me when she warned me about trusting him too much, but she was wrong. We might notknow exactly what this thing between us will look like in the future, but he’s in it for real. As much as I am.

We go to bed together when the sun goes down and make love—quiet, urgent missionary in the dark. He murmurs about how beautiful I am. How much pleasure he wants to give me. How good I make him feel. How he never believed he would deserve to be with someone like me, but he’ll do everything he can to never let me down. Once again, he’s so into it he forgets to pull out before he comes, and once again I like it that way.

I’ve never experienced anything comparable. Never shared anything so deep with another person.

It’s right. It has to be right.

The next day, he takes a shift guarding the perimeter wall with me. He’s a guest in town, so he wouldn’t be required to work, but he says since he’ll probably be here quite a bit, he doesn’t want to wear out his welcome.

In the afternoon, there’s a big stir in town. Maria and her group of women arrive.

I’m excited about seeing her—that she’s actually followed through with her promise. I introduce her to Cole and Del and to the town leaders, and she explains that they’ve scouted out the criminal stronghold and have a plan for taking it down. She’s sent a messenger back to summon reinforcements from people she knows farther west, and she’s going to start visiting communities in this region to gather volunteers.

No one has ever done anything like that in this area. Towns take care of their own, but they do so by hunkering down and guarding their borders. Not by risking lives to attack bad guys, even if their presence is a threat.

I’m afraid she’s going to have a hard road in front of her in finding the numbers she needs, but I volunteer immediately. So does Cole, as I knew he would. His brother is there, and he still wants to get him back.

Del is brave enough to go, but she’s not any good with weapons or tactical maneuvers. She’s got bad eyesight so she’s as likely to hit a good guy as a bad one if she tried to shoot. But not for a moment does she try to dissuade me and Cole.

When Maria asks Aidan, he blinks in surprise at the question. Glances over toward me. “I go where she goes,” he says, as if it’s so self-evident that no one should even ask. So he’s a yes too.

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