Page 32 of Hero

We’ll have to walk. With Rina. And all the possessions we can carry.

Who knows what kinds of dangers we’ll have to face along the way?

We’re likely to die on the road.

“Esther.”

I jerk at the soft voice from behind me although I know exactly who it is.

When I don’t turn around, Zed strides over and stands in front of me. He peers at me closely. Doesn’t ask the obvious question.

Are you all right? What the hell is wrong with you?

“We should do it,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest. “It will be a lot safer than heading west when we have no idea what’s even out there.”

“I know.”

I nod, starting to tremble and tightening my arms in a futile attempt to stop. “So we should do it. The sooner the better.”

“We don’t have to leave immediately. We can make a plan.”

“Yes, but we shouldn’t delay too long. What if winter comes early and we get iced in again? We can’t make it through another winter like—”

“Esther, stop it.”

I bite off my babbling. Shake some more.

“We don’t have to do anything right away.”

I nod. “I know.”

“So there’s no reason to go into panic mode about it.”

“I know.”

“So why are you trembling like that?” His forehead is wrinkled. His brows pulled together. His head is tilted down like he’s trying to read my mind through my expression.

“I don’t know.”

“Well, stop it.”

“I’m trying.” The words come out strangled and weak. I hate that I get like this. I always try so hard to be in control and maintain composure, but then I’ll fall apart like this occasionally.

Ihateit.

“Damn it, Esther.” He reaches out and pulls me toward him with both hands until I’m pressed against his chest. He wraps both arms around me and tightens them around my shuddering.

It’s exactly what I need to feel. Solid and warm and unmoving. Unshakably present in a world that does nothing but quake.

I gasp against his chest. I’m not really crying. I almost never do that. But I can’t seem to settle, even in his arms.

He squeezes me tightly. He smells like dirt and sweat and Zed. I can bury my face against his shirt and hide there for a few minutes. Buddy is worried and whimpers, nuzzling my ankles.

This isn’t the life I ever should have had. Held like this by my stepfather’s lazy, obnoxious younger brother because I can’t keep hold of myself.

But he’s making me feel better. I wouldn’t be able to do this without him.

And he’s not the man he used to be. Not anymore.

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