Page 51 of The Pucking Fake Marriage

Don’t think of that,I chide myself. To stay sane, I’ve got to bury the humiliation I feel about what my mother said. Pretend that conversation never happened. I also have to stop listening to Kali as he drones on about his life, or I’m going to blow my brains out.

Turning to Ken, I let my gaze rest on him. He faces me a second later, his eyes darting past my face and straight to my breasts.

Something about his merciless glare makes a lump form in my throat. I swallow hard, newly realizing how badly I want him to make a move.Steal me off to the backyard, the bathroom, underneath the stairs. Anywhere.As long as they don’t notice.

And speaking about the stairs…

I look up at them. They’re completely unremarkable, a straight flight of stairs with a landing in between. And yet, this was the place that changed my life forever. And because of the man standing beside me.

My heart starts to beat slightly faster as the memories come swimming up to me. This time, though, I’m prepared.I don’t dwell. Instead, I turn around, keeping my gaze focused on Ken.

Truth is, I might never find out what really happened that night. If he did it on purpose or out of carelessness. Just like he might never find out the real reason I turned him down, except he must’ve somehow figured it from my mother’s diabolical rant a second ago.

The point is that the past isthe past. And there’s absolutely no use revisiting it.

Ken is still staring at me with eyes full of resentment. A sudden bout of exhaustion and remorse fills me. I want that to be in the past as well. There are far better things in the present.

For instance, a scenario where Ken and I sneak away and do something more fun than listening to Kali talk about his charmed life.

“I'm sorry,” I mutter to Ken, hoping that will suffice. I’m not sure what I’m apologizing for or if he’s going to have follow-up questions, but it doesn’t hurt to throw the dog a bone.

Ken, however, doesn’t seem to be listening. “Remember how weird I used to feel back in high school? I was about the only jock whose parents didn’t celebrate them. How do you explain to your friends thatbothyour parents care more about your brother’s pirouettes than your hockey game?”

I glance at Ken, newly appreciating how much he’s matured. I’ve heard him say stuff like this a lot when we were growing up, but this is the first time I’ve heard him talk about it without any trace of bitterness.

“Yeah, you were an enigma, Edwards,” I say, a small smile teasing my lips. “I remember Coach would talk to your dad about you possibly getting into the league one day,and your dad wouldn’t even realize what a big deal that was.”

Ken gives a mocking smile of his own. “Yeah, andhe wouldn’t bother to come for games, either. A lot of fathers thought my family was weird.”

Our parents laugh uproariously at yet another one of Kali’s jokes, and I feel another wave of exhaustion wash over me. Thisis how it felt being with Kali even when we were kids. Like he was the sun. Standing too close to his brightness would cause me to explode into smithereens. No wonder I liked hanging around Ken a whole lot more.

“People were just amazed that your dad was obsessed with ballet to the extent that he didn’t care that he had a child that was going to play in the National Hockey League one day.”

“Not you, though.” Ken glances at me. His smile is no longer on his face, and there’s still a hardness in his eyes. Yet, his words come out softer than I was expecting. “You always knew the whole story. My parents were planning for just one kid, and they got saddled with two.”

My heart surges with emotion. Comfort,I realize. No matter how far apart we’ve grown these last few years, Ken and I are always going to have the friendship that defined our childhood. The one place we always felt safe.

Without thinking, I reach out and take his hand. I’ve done it a million times before, held on to Ken while he was watching his parents fawn over his brother. My heart contracts strangely. I never thought this would happen again, that I would let Ken close enough to want to bond with him again. But life can surprise you. Somehow, Ken has been a much better friend to me this last month than he was back in high school. And that’s saying a lot.

His body stills when I touch him. For a second, I thinkhe’s merely feeling the awkwardness of being held by me after so long. But then, I feel him stiffen. With a forceful, deliberate move, he yanks his hand from mine.

I glance up at him, equal parts surprised and hurt.

He keeps his gaze fixed ahead. The anger emanating from his body is beyond visible.

Taking a step back, I try to keep a lid on the emotions burning inside me. No one saw what just happened, of course. But it doesn’t change the fact that when I’m finally trying to put the past behind me, Ken rejects me.

Life does surprise you.

“…really and truly amazing. Really, Kali.”

Even through the haze of hurt I’m feeling, those words catch my attention. Mostly because they are from my mother. I snap my gaze back to the table, stepping away from Ken. He doesn’t even seem to notice my departure, and that makes the rejection sting even more.

I try to focus on the table, to leave Ken in the past. Where he belongs. My mother has her arms around Kali now, giving him a bear hug as she lists his wonderful qualities.

Being judged by my own mother doesn’t hurt so much nowadays, but I still feel a dull throb as I look away. If Ken hadn’t just hurt me, I’d probably make a joke about how she’d like me better if I was married to Kali.

But now, I know something for a fact.

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