“Huh…”
Is that really what I want?
His fight with Selina was predicated on the fact that he did not love her as she claimed she loved him. Benedict was not capable of love—he did not want such a thing—and in the face of what he knew to be true, he denied his feelings because that was all he had ever known.
Deep down, this was a result of his upbringing. Alone from the age of twelve. Thrust into a world he did not understand. Having nobody to open up to or be honest with. Caring more about people’s opinions of him than the truth.
Even the way he treated his brother was driven by his desire to see him find love and happiness, which he would never be able to. His entire life had been focused on a single goal which he now knew to not be necessary in the slightest.
He knew that he loved Selina. He had known that for a long time now. But he had denied it. Ignored it. Refused to believe it because he did not think himself worthy. But was he wrong to do so? And if he threw this away, would he spend the rest of his life regretting it?
Benedict’s leg began to bounce under the desk. Sweat began to bead on his forehead. He glanced at the closed door as he began to wonder.
Have I made a terrible mistake? Was our fight… Has this entire marriage been for nothing?
It was a strange thing to find oneself in the middle of a revelation. Like a veil was being lifted and the truth was finally being revealed.
Benedict did not want a typical marriage. He did not want the ton’s esteem, the people’s blessings, the acceptance of the very people he had spent most of his life avoiding. He had never wanted it, so why would he wish for such a thing with his wife? What he wanted was exactly what he and Selina had, before the fight. Before everything came crashing down.
Suddenly, the door to the study opened.
“Selina!” Benedict cried before he could stop himself, already on his feet as if to go to his wife.
“Your Grace.” It was Mr. Harris. “I would like to inform you that Her Grace’s carriage is leaving now.”
“What? Already!” Benedict had rounded his desk before he had time to think.
“But it’s moving at a slow pace, Your Grace.” Mr. Harris smirked knowingly. “And I am certain that there is still plenty of time to?—”
Benedict did not catch the rest of what his butler was saying, as he was already out the door and sprinting down the hallway.
For the first time in two months, he finally understood what he wanted. Perhaps it was the first time he had in his entire life. He had grown up thinking that he needed to honor his parents’ legacy, but he had not come close to doing it until the day he and Selina got married.
He knew now that the only way to honor their legacy, to pay homage to them, and to be truly happy for the first time in his life, was to go after the one person who made that possible. The one person he cared about more than anything else. The one person, dare he say it, he loved.
Benedict just hoped it wasn’t too late.
Selina did what she could to keep herself from crying. In fact, she allowed herself to smile as she waved goodbye to Edmund, the only person who had come to see her off. He smiled also, but it was sad, as if he too knew the significance of this moment and the heartache it was causing her.
The carriage moved slowly down the driveway, and Selina tore her eyes away from the window and focused ahead.
He did not come. I thought he might. I held out hope, clinging to it like a life raft, and yet…
She sniffed and wiped her nose. She refused to let the tears come. She had known this day was coming, and she had known that this was how it would end. She had tried for love. She had failed. Sadly, there was nothing more she could do.
As the carriage slowly trundled down the drive, and as she stared ahead, she thought she saw movement out of the corner of her eye. At first, she figured it to be Edmund, likely walking back inside. But the movement was rushed, and it seemed to be coming closer.
Still, she looked ahead. Still, she refused to allow herself any hope. It was nothing. It was her mind playing tricks on her. It was?—
“Selina!” Benedict’s voice cried out. “Selina! Wait!”
“Edmund?” She turned in the carriage and looked out the window in time to see Benedict sprinting down the driveway as if his life depended on it. He waved his arms frantically, and the look on his face was unmistakable. “Benedict!”
“Selina!” he shouted as he ran. “Please! Stop the carriage! Stop the carriage!”
“Driver!” Selina leaned forward and pounded on the roof. “Stop!”
The carriage came to a grinding halt. Yet, even before the wheels stopped, Selina was throwing the door open and flying outside.