It was messy, she realized. It was not even close to what she had wanted to say. If it had been, she might have admitted outright that she was falling in love with him. An ultimatum! One that he could not ignore. But she could sense his hesitation, and she had raced to find a middle ground. But perhaps that was the problem?
“Selina, I understand perfectly well what you are saying.” He spoke to his feet, not looking at her for so much as a second. “And I understand why you believe that you feel this way.”
“It is not a belief, it is a truth?—”
“But I do not feel the same.” His words were cutting, and the way his head snapped up and his eyes landed on her, the detached look in them, was like a knife to the heart. “What you have felt from me is not real, but a deception that you have allowed yourself to believe. One which, I will remind you, I was perfectly honest regarding its intent. Everything I have said and done has been to make this marriage feel real for the sake of my reputation. That is all.”
Selina stumbled back as if he had slapped her. “No, that is not—those three days… that was not an act! That was real.”
“Three days of civility does not equal love.”
“I never said love.”
“But you implied it,” he countered, his tone still sharp. “I will admit that these past few weeks especially have been easier than they might have been. In fact, I might even go so far as to say that I have enjoyed them. But it has been a means to an end, Selina. That is all.” He was looking at her with a determined expression, but the room spun such that she could hardly tell. “And I will remind you again, I have been honest about my intentions from the start. It is not my fault that you misunderstood them.”
“Benedict…” She stumbled further, her body swaying as her heart cracked down the middle. “I… that is not… no…”
No… what he is saying… he is lying. He must be! It cannot be true.
“I am sorry if you feel deceived,” he continued, his tone still sharp like a razor’s edge, as if he worried that to soften it might bring her hope. “But the fact is that we agreed to end this marriage in what is now less than a month, and come that time, I fully expect to see our agreement through.”
She said nothing, for what could she possibly say? Chin trembling. Tears welling. Body shaking. She could not bring herself to look at him, for she knew if she did, she would break down.
“Again, I am sorry…” Benedict started toward her, and she flinched. Luckily, all he was doing was walking past her to the door. “Perhaps it is best if I sleep in another room tonight.” He reached the door and opened it, but Selina did not turn around to see him off. “And I will remind you that tomorrow night, I expect you to be on your best behavior. What has just occurred is regrettable, but it does not change what is required of us. Is that understood?”
She did not respond.
“Selina,” he growled warningly. “Tomorrow night, you will be on your best behavior. Is that understood”“
“Y-Yes,” she stammered. “I understand.”
“Good,” he said. A beat. A moment where she dared to dream that he might have a change of heart. “Good.”
The door opened, and the sound of it closing was the exact moment that Selina collapsed to the floor.
And so it is done.
Selina had confessed how she felt. Benedict had rejected her in the most ruthless of ways. And this marriage, for how it had felt to her, was confirmed to be nothing more than a performance in which she had not even realized she was involved.
This marriage would soon come to an end. That had always been the plan, and it should not have hurt as much as it did. But then again, when Selina had made that agreement, she had not been in love. And so the pain came fast, hard, and so very deep.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Benedict was having a surprisingly good time. If not slightly awkward.
Ordinarily, he hated having people in his home. Never one for socializing, and certainly never one for pretending to enjoy such a thing, tonight felt different. It was a necessary evil, a final attempt to present a united front and put all the rumors to bed once and for all. It was everything that he hated about the ton, used against them this time, manipulating their tendency toward gossip for his own benefit.
The fact that it seemed to be working was the only reason his mood had remained so buoyant all evening. It had to.
“Your Grace!” Lord Chesterton motioned for Benedict to join him and the few others he was standing with. “We were just saying what a serene home you have here.”
“Thank you, Lord Chesterton,” Benedict returned with a smile as he joined the group of four. “I am pleased to find that it is to your liking.”
“I confess, never in a million years would I have imagined I would find myself standing inside of it.” Lord Chesterton chuckled. “All this time, I thought you hated dinner parties.”
“Perhaps I still do,” Benedict responded coolly, which had Lord Chesterton and the others frowning, even leaning back as if worried he might snap. “But my lovely wife loves them, and there is little I would not do to please her.”
“Ah! Good show.” Lord Chesterton nodded.