Page 41 of Rut Bar

My grip tightens on my car keys until the metal teeth dig into my palms. It’s easy to say these things about him, but it’s harder to believe them about myself. “I don’t know. Sometimes I think the way I like to treat people isn’t always healthy or fair. I can be controlling. Demanding. Jealous.”

“You’d want me to stop seeing Anthony?” he asks, his tone horrified.

“No! No, that’s not what I meant. I mean that if you’re serious, I would want to keep things closed. Only us. We would decide things as a group, but I don’t do casual unless it’s only for heat relief. I won’t have a threesome if you bring some girl home from the bar. I don’t want to deal with hookups and swinging and group play at parties. If you look at another omega, I’ll want to claw their eyes out.”

“Oh,” he says, his smile returning. “Okay.”

I arch a brow and wait for him to continue, but he doesn’t. “That’s it? You’re okay with that?”

“Yeah. Anthony’s always asking why we should have to live our lives according to someone else’s rules. He says we don’t have to listen to the people who say that alphas like me and betas like him and omegas like you are wrong. That we shouldn’t care what they think, not if it means we’re right for each other.

“It’s like learning to stand up on your board in the water when all you’ve done is practice on the beach. You won’t know if you can do it until you try. And if you wipe out, you try to stand up again until one day you get it. You get to ride your first tasty wave, and you know you’re never going to stop now that you can do it. So can we try? I want to stand up on the surfboard with you.”

I can’t help but smile at his odd metaphor. It’s so distinctly Jamie. But I’m less like a surfer and more like the ocean itself. Cold. Unforgiving. My ambitions have drowned the hopes and dreams of others to the point where it doesn’t seem worth it to keep trying.

There’s no white picket fence and two point five kids and a golden retriever in my immediate future. When people leave, all you have are things. I aim to have a lot of things. Too much to fit into a garbage bag when the temporary family who welcomed me and said all the right things they’re supposed to say eventually showed me the door because my presence was more trouble than it was worth.

“Oh, I know!” Jamie slaps his palm against the roof of my car. He grins. “Audition us!”

“Audition you to become my boyfriends?” It’s not the strangest request I’ve ever had, but it’s up there.

Normally when I tell the alphas I occasionally hook up with that I’m only looking for a one and done, they’re content to fuck and get out. Some of them can’t leave fast enough once my heat breaks. It’s better that way. Less messy and uncomfortable.

“Yeah,” he says. “Let us get you through this heat. Give us until the next one to prove we’ll be a good pack.”

I’m not sure if it’s the fatigue because it’s almost three in the morning or because I’m flying high after rescuing an omega today, but I’m tired of fighting this. So I give in.

My heat is coming whether I have someone to help me through it or not. Maybe I’ll get a few orgasms out of it. And when they see what a shitty girlfriend I am after, they’ll decide it was fun and I won’t have to feel bad about it when things end naturally. It’ll be awkward, but it’s going to be awkward no matter what. There’s no avoiding that now.

“Okay,” I say.

Jamie’s face is blank for a moment, and then his eyes round and his eyebrows climb. “Really? You mean it?”

“Yeah.” I slot my keys in the engine and start my car. Before he can get too excited, I decide to lay down the first of many house rules. “Don’t get your hopes up. I’m sure you’ll regret it in a month. No hard feelings when you do. You’ll still have jobs.” Seeing them at work after things go south will be rough. It’s a stupid move I know I’m going to regret, yet it seems I’m going to do it, anyway.

“Yes, Ma’am,” he says, cheerfully. “Vee, can I kiss you?”

My answer pops out before it passes through my filter. “Only if you get on your knees for me.”

He obeys the command instantly and sinks to his knees in the parking lot. It can’t be comfortable. The surface is rough with gravel and debris and needs to be resealed next year. I leave him hanging and wait to see what he does.

Jamie stares up at me as if I hung the moon and stars in the sky. The power he’s willing to give me is heady and scary at the same time. I’ll be responsible for him as the dominant to his submissive, and I’m not that great at caring for my things. I can’t keep a spider plant alive, and they’re supposed to be unkillable. I went through three before giving up and finally getting a plastic one.

Once he’s proven he won’t take what hasn’t been offered, I cup his strong, square jaw in my hands and drag his face closer. His lips are soft and pliant underneath mine, and my belly flutters as his sweet pheromones wash over me.

I have the urge to scent mark him. To tell the world he’s mine. Why shouldn’t I? Just because he’s only mine for three months doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy him while it lasts.

I break the kiss and turn his face to the side so I can rub my cheek against his. He holds still, but he breaks into a purr while I do it. Unlike Brendan’s loud diesel truck purr, Jamie’s is smoother. When cheek rubbing isn’t enough, I reach a hand under the collar of his T-shirt and rub it over the large primary scent gland in his neck.

His purr stutters, and he groans, and then he gives me his neck. Bends it submissively to give me better access. A thrill runs through me at the sight of his stretched out neck and everything that it means. I want to dip my head down and nip at him. Suck my mark into the skin there for everyone to see that he’s mine.

But he’s one of my dancers. I can’t. He has to stay pristine. Attainable. That’s the entire illusion of Rut. Dozens of alphas wait on the omegas who patronize it. If they’re visibly mated or claimed, it kills the fantasy.

Have some restraint,I berate myself. Restraint is good. I focus more on keeping control of myself and my teeth as I lean away from Jamie and take in his blissed-out expression. I savor the beautiful picture of surrender he makes. He’s so fucking handsome on his knees for me.

“I won’t forbid you from masturbating.”Yet.“But you have to ask me for permission first and occasionally I might tell you no, not right now. If I do, it will be for a good reason, but you’ll have to trust me. Is that clear, pet?”

“What about when I’m with Anthony?” he asks. “Sometimes he comes over after work or on our days off.”

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