Page 46 of Last Round

“Swear on your unborn child?”

“Dude,” he whispers harshly. “We just found out we’re pregnant last week and you already want me to put the baby’s soul on the line? Not cool.”

“I’m desperate,” I plead.

Declan considers my proposal for a moment. “Fine, but this better be fucking juicy.”

“How do you… date?”

Declan stares at me.

“Come on. I know you were a big-name player before Nita. So, how’d you do it? Because I’ve been on the interwebs all morning and the results are nothing but romantic comedies, or romance books—and not the how-to kind but the chick porn stuff. I finally found one of thoseguys ask guysfor relationship advice blogs and, holy fuck, do those men need balls. I’m willing to bet over half of them are virgins taking residence in the friend zone. So please, man to man, how do I take someone on a date?”

Declan folds over laughing and holding his gut.

“I’m serious. I need help.” I cross my arms and look down at someone I thought was my friend rolling around on the linoleum.

“That’s what makes it so funny.” He wipes a tear from his face. “You’re dead-fucking-serious.”

“Fuck off.” I collapse back into my office chair. Clearly, this was a bad idea. Maybe the reason I’ve never dated before was because I’m not that kind of guy. What if fucking is the only thing I’m good at?

“Sorry.” Declan straightens himself out. “Just… I wasn’t expectingthat.”

“Whatever.” I wave him off and pretend to be working by staring at nothing but my empty desk.

“Look, Kill, none of that shit on the internet is helpful.”

“You mean…?”

“Yeah, that first night when I met Anita and brought her home drunk, I was too wired to sleep and wanted to be up in case she vomited again. I did the exact same thing. Spent all night reading a bunch of unhelpful crap that had me second-guessing what I was even doing.”

“Obviously you figured it out?”

He shrugs. “When I laid eyes on her the next morning, I knew there was no way in hell I was going to ever leave her. I stopped overthinking it, and just did what felt natural.”

“Mynaturalwon’t work in this situation. I’ve got to do this right. I can’t fuck it up by… fucking her right off the bat.”

“You’re still overthinking it, man. There is no proper sequence of events or timeline. Whatever article you read that says you can’t kiss until after the third date or that you need to be dating for at least four months before even considering getting naked with them is not the rule. Sure, that works for some…maybe… Honestly, can’t imagine holding back that long. Because from the first moment I saw Anita, I was all in and my fingers ached to touch her. Whatever fucker has the willpower to feel like that for several months and do nothing about it, more power to them. But let me tell you a little secret…”

I lean in and listen.

“Anita and I hit all the bases—multiple times—before our first date. And look at us now, married, baby on the way. Honestly, I love how unconventional our beginning was. I think it makes us stronger and we love laughing about it. It’s a story we’re going to have to modify when we tell it to our grandkids, but it’s our story. I wouldn’t change a fucking thing about it.”

“She’s not Nita,” is all I can think to say. “I have to do this right. I can’t explain it, but just trust me. Maybe I don’t need to follow some ridiculous four-month plan, but our relationship has to start with more than fucking.”

Declan raises an eyebrow. “Does she have a name?”

“Yes, but I’m not telling you… or anyone, for that matter. Not yet.”

“I feel like the soul of my first born entitles me to her identity.”

“Yeah, your initial hysterics devalued the sacrifice.”

“Fine.” He fake pouts. “Like I said, the best advice I can give you is don’t overthink it. You know her, right?”

“For the most part.” Not as well as I used to. Even so, back then, I wasn’t exactly thinking about dating her, so none of it’s useful.

“Figure out what she likes and take her to do that. Anita—your bar being the exception—hates going out to eat. Taking her to a fancy dinner isn’t her thing. But she loves ice skating. On our first official date, I took her to a rink. We had crappy dollar dogs and hot cocoa. She laughed at me every time I fell on my ass. It was one of the best nights of my life.”

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