Page 71 of Embattled Return

Logan literally collapsed on top of Marigold, but she would not protest. The feel of him on her, in her, was one of the most... amazing things. Besides, she could take his weight. And he seemed to have completely passed out. If she wasn’t afraid of waking him, she would have chuckled.

Letting her eyes drift shut, she breathed steadily. Her body had found its pleasure and it was reminding her that it was the depths of the night.

Logan suddenly drew in a heavy breath and shifted. “Oh, God, am I crushing you? I’m so sorry.”

He shifted away, moving to the side of the bed. “I kind of dozed off, because my bed,” he turned to grin at her, “you, was really soft and warm. I need to get rid of this condom,” he laughed.

Marigold stepped from the bed and circled it to hold her hand out to him. “I think we both need to visit the bathroom.”

Surprisingly he took her hand and let her pull him up. Immediately, he dropped a kiss to her lips. “Thank you for being my pillow. And my chair lift.”

“Anytime, baby.”

They walked to the bathroom and did what they needed to do, then headed back to bed. Logan pulled her up to rest against his chest, and they drifted off to sleep.

When Marigold opened her eyes, it was to find Logan staring at her in the light of dawn. She grinned and stretched, her bones cracking and joints popping. Then she tucked back under the covers, grinning at him. “It’s chilly out there,” she whispered.

Logan chuckled, popping his brows at her. “I know. Someone stole all the covers.”

Marigold lifted up enough to see that she had, indeed, stolen most of the covers. “I’m sorry,” she laughed, shifting some of the blankets over.

He shrugged as he pulled them into place. “Just gave me more reason to wrap around you.”

It was ridiculous how much she appreciated those whispered words. And it was scary hearing them, because things felt like they were getting serious.

“You’re screwing up my life plan,” she told him, deciding to be blunt.

“Why do you say that?”

“Because you have. I planned on working my ass off for a while and stashing the money, going to school, getting my degree.... nowhere in there was start a relationship.”

“Same,” he agreed. “Starting a relationship was the furthest thing from my mind when I came out here. And I’ll be honest. I wasn’t in a good place when Shannon spotted me and dragged me along to LNF.”

“Were you really thinking about suicide?” she whispered, afraid to know the answer. “Or are you still?”

Logan blinked and turned onto his back, as if looking at her were too hard. Instead, he stared up at her bland ceiling. It took him a few seconds to get his words together. “Yes, and kind of.” He flicked a glance at her, his blue eyes crystalline in the light of the morning, then back to the ceiling. “I never considered myself to be the type of person to even consider suicide. I feel like I’m level-headed and methodical, deliberate. In spite of my father’s issues, I didn’t feel like I was deficient in any way.”

“Agreed,” she said when he paused.

“But when the world keeps telling you you don’t deserve shit, and continues to take away every glimmer of happiness and, and... groundedness, you start to listen. The world was telling me I didn’t need family, because it took away the only person I really needed, my sister. Then it told me I didn’t deserve friends, or the Army, because it took them away. Mobility? Meh, who needs it? I’m tired of fighting against the world. So, yeah, when I came out here, I had a job to do. I had a plan. I had spoken with my other teammates families and Miller’s family was the last. I was going to cruise by the old family home if I could find it, which I realize now that I never would have. But once I was done doing those two things, I thought I would be able to exit stage left.” He shrugged on the mattress. “No one would even know I’d done it. I had no family, no significant friends.”

Marigold tried to keep the tears in, but there was no way she could. The utter loneliness... She’d never been in that place herself, so she couldn’t say exactly what she’d do in his place. Logan continued to stare up at the ceiling, clear-eyed. There were no tears or emotion, just flat acceptance. It was chilling to see, because she knew he had the determination to do it. And she wondered if her mother had felt the same way.

“You have to realize things have changed, though,” she said, unable to stay quiet.

Slowly, finally, he turned his head to look at her, and he blinked. “Yes, I’m beginning to. And in turn, I’m not feeling as... directionless. If that makes sense. Before, I didn’t feel a need to stay here, but a lot of things have changed, and I don’t want to go anywhere.”

She swiped her tears away, nodding. “That makes me happy, because you are so worth having in the world. And I’m not just saying that because you’re a great lay.”

He barked out a laugh and rolled toward her, going up on one elbow to look down at her. “Thank you, Marigold Lee. you’ve made me laugh more in the past week than I have in the past year, and I really appreciate that.”

She accepted his slow kiss, loving the tingle that went through her every time he touched her. Even when it wasn’t building up to sex, he took his time, and she appreciated that. When he drew back, she gave him a serious look. “I will make you laugh as much as I possibly can if it means you will stay with us.”

Eyes somber, he nodded. “I’m going to hold you to that, because I know these thoughts are something I can’t just wish away. It’s going to take work, and goals. Like John said. And distractions. Working toward something.”

“I have faith in you,” she told him softly, very aware that her heart was on the line. “And I will stand by you as long as you want me to. No commitment stated, inferred or requested, though.”

He smiled a little crookedly, recognizing the words. Then he looked at the bed rather pointedly. “I think we’ve kind of moved beyond that, now.”

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