Page 57 of Totally Opposed

“Mr. Beaker,” Stevie says, reaching out to shake his hand.

“You best be leaving your fiancée to the wedding plans. It’s the honeymoon you want to be planning,” Gramps says, and my cheeks immediately burn.

“Gramps!” I say, and Ryan is trying to stifle a laugh across from me.

“Oh hush, if he’s getting married, he knows I’m right. The wedding is for everyone else, the honeymoon is for just you two. So make it special.”

“I was just going to go to Hawaii. I see posts all the time about how it’s the best honeymoon spot,” Stevie says, and Gramps nods and smiles.

“Is that where she always be wantin’ to go?” Gramps asks, and Stevie frowns.

“Actually, I don’t think so. She likes the beach, but she’s paler than me, so has to cover up all the time or she goes bright red like a lobster.”

“Then maybe not Hawaii,” Gramps says, and Duckie throws a small yellow duck at Stevie. It hits him in the chest and rolls into his lap.

“Think harder,” Gramps probes.

“She has this tower thing on her keyring and has had it forever. It’s the one in Paris, I think.”

“Ahh, the city of love,” Harrison says, snuggling into Arlo and kissing his forehead. “I’ll take you to Paris one day, my love.”

“I’d prefer Australia. Have you seen their animals? They are so cute.”

“Noted.”

“Don’t even think of proposing yet. I just got used to the idea of you two dating, I’m not ready for marriage,” Gordon pipes in.

Niki elbows his side.

“Like you wouldn’t love to have your best friend be your brother-in-law,” she teases.

“See, even Niki knows you’re full of shit,” Harrison says, and Gordon tilts his head up a little and sniffs the air.

“Ohh, what is that smell? It’s amazing!”

“Dinner and it will be ready soon.”

“Best you boys be going to wash up then,” Gramps says, and he climbs from the chair, Precious leaping from his lap. I see Harrison flinch, and it’s nice to know it isn’t just me that doesn’t buy this fake angelic persona the spawn of Satan is putting on for everyone else.

Gramps takes the drawing with him through to the other room, and I catch sight of the biggest smile on his face when he passes.

“I’ll set the table,” Ryan says, climbing from his chair.

“I’ll help,” Duckie offers, and when I bring the shepherd’s pie over to sit in the middle on the chopping board they put down, I see why he was so eager to help. On every plate sitting on top of the napkin is a rubber duck, only they are all different, like thefun ones we found all over the tour last year. The one on my plate is wearing a cowboy hat and holding a ring of rope. Arlo’s has a pencil under its wing and an ink smear on its cheek, and then I spot the one on the plate at the head of the table. The spot where Gramps is going to sit. It’s slightly paler than the other ducks, and there is a tuft of gray hair on top of the little duck head, and it’s wearing those half-circle glasses on the end of its little beak.

Gramps takes his seat and picks it up.

“Well, isn’t this a nice touch,” he says, sitting it to the side of his plate. I look over at Duckie and he’s wearing the same confused frown probably on my face right now.

“Smells fantastic. Shall we say grace?” Gramps asks, and just like that, everyone sits and takes each other’s hands. I don’t think we’ve ever said grace at any of the group dinners, but the second Gramps says it, they all just go along. My friends really are the best. But will they still be willing to play along when Gramps starts on about Banana Ball? Fuck. I hope none of them bring it up.

We get to the end of the prayer, and just when I think we’re in the clear, Harry opens his mouth.

“Oh, and thank you to the amazing sport of Banana Ball for which we would not have all met and come together tonight.” I open my eyes and look at Gramps, whose lips have pursed together a little, but his eyes remain closed.

But instead of making a snide comment about the Banana Ball, he just nods and says, “Amen.”

We all release hands, and Gramps nods to Ryan.

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