Page 2 of Totally Opposed

I take a moment to check out my room now that all my furniture is set up. My bed is in the middle and there is a bunch of space on either side, far more than I had before. Actually, as I look it over, this room is even bigger than the one I had all through college. Maybe I could finally get a bigger bed? Though there’s really no point if you’re the only one sleeping in it.

The window on the wall to my left overlooks the alley between this building and the bodega next door. Duckie swears they make the best bagel sandwiches, and when I push up the window and lean out to see the line out the door, he’s not the only one. Above the bodega are more apartments like this, and there is a window lined up perfectly with mine. An older man sits in a chair holding binoculars up to his eyes, angled toward the street.

“Hope you’re quieter than the last one,” he says, lowering the binoculars and turning to look at me.

“Hi, I’m Ryan,” I offer.

“Name’s Don, and this is Precious,” he says, setting the binoculars on the windowsill and lifting a fluffy black cat. Precious hangs limp in his hands, and I would swear it was dead if it didn’t just now lift its chin and meow at me.

“Nice to meet you both,” I say, pulling my head back inside. I really should unpack.

“You got curtains?” Don asks, his gaze moving past me, and judging by the frown that forms, he’s probably spotted the giant inflatable duck on my bed.

“I don’t, but I can probably get some.”

“Best you do. Precious here was damn near traumatized by seeing the goings on in there with the last one.”

Considering before Harrison met Arlo, he was known to never leave a bar alone, I don’t blame Don for not wanting to see whatever went on in this room before I moved in. But despite his concerns, I haven’t even dated since my ex so the risk of him seeing something he would rather not is slim to none.

Precious meows and hops up onto the windowsill, scratching her face against the rough brick edge.

“Do you play that silly game?” Don continues, and I can’t help but laugh. He isn’t the first person to not take us seriously, and truth be told, we try not to take ourselves too seriously either. That’s the whole point of Banana Ball. Keep all the best parts of baseball and take out the boring stuff to make room for some fun.

There are no walks, on ball four, the hitter will take off, trying to round as many bases as they can while the pitcher throws the ball to every player on the field before it can finally be tossed to whoever is closest to the hitter to try to get them out. Batters can’t step out of the box or it’s a strike, no mound visits bycoaches, and no bunting, because bunting is shite. With a two-hour time limit on games, you win by points, win the inning, you get the point, and in the last inning, every run counts as a point, so every inning really does count, and we always play to win. The crowd get involved in the game and not just the entertainment, too. If they catch a foul ball, it counts as an out, and I’ve seen it happen more than once in the two years I’ve been playing in the league.

“I’m a pitcher for the Funky Monkeys in the Banana Ball League, and yeah, we can get pretty silly.”

He scoffs. “Bloody crime, what they are doing to the best game in the world. Why don’t ya play real baseball?”

“Have you been to a game?”

He shakes his head.

“You should come check it out. I’ll get you some tickets. Oh, and I’ll try to get those curtains as soon as I can.” I slide the window closed and turn back to the giant duck on my bed before he can reply.

Wow, my granny would have a field day with him. While my family are all back in the UK, my granny included, they watch every game, and my phone is filled with messages from them about how much they loved a skit I was in or congratulating me for my throwing game.

The Funky Monkeys and Animal Control joined the main Banan Ball League last year, but over break there have been rumors that the GM, Bart Erricson, is using this year’s tour to determine which one of our teams, the Funky Monkeys or Animal Control, will stay on with the OG teams next year. I don’t want to believe it. Playing Banana Ball has been the highlight of my life. I can’t go back to marketing other people’s dreams. If Granny were here right now, she would tell me not to worry about something that hasn’t happened yet, then she’d start singing theHakuna Matatasong, and then Dad would join inon the Pumba part and soon the whole family would be singing along. They really are the best and I miss them so much.

I pull out my phone, take a selfie with Mr. Quacksalot behind me and send it off to my family group chat.

RYAN: Finally, into the new place. Not sure I can trust my new roommate, though. ***Laughing emoji***

Dad is the first to message back.

DAD: Careful, he’ll have you up at the quack of dawn.

I expected nothing less of his. He’s the king of puns and bad dad jokes. Mom, my cousin, Teddy, and Granny are close behind with their congratulations, with both Mom and Granny asking if I’m eating enough. Teddy sends me a separate message a few seconds later. Teddy came to live with us when he was seven and I was sixteen after my aunt and uncle passed. We were close before, our whole family is. Granny and Gramps lived one street over all my childhood. But after Teddy moved in, we became basically brothers.

TEDDY: I broke up with Levi. Got any Funky Monkeys you can set me up with? I’m open to moving abroad.

I would love to have Teddy move here, but I know he’s bluffing.

RYAN: Maybe. Move over here and then we’ll see about setting you up.

TEDDY: Seems like a lot of work for a maybe date. How about Animal Control? I can also do long distance, phone sex can be fun now with video chats and all that. What about that guy you told me about? What’s his name? Alan? Or did you finally get up the balls to ask him out yourself?

RYAN: Why do I have to be the one to ask him out? That went horribly with Harrison. I’ve dropped hints that I’m interested. If he was interested in me, he would have asked me out by now.

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