Page 35 of Melting the Ice

He had friends who were queer. Elliott. Mal. He had his suspicions about Finn, too. And then there was Ramsey.He was one of his best friends and he was out and proud and hadprobably never shirked from the truth in his whole goddamn life.Ramsey.

It had just never beenhim.

Brody squirmed in the booth.

Hating this. Kind of hating himself, right now.

How could he be such a fucking coward?

It wasjustsex.

Unlike some, his parents weren’t going to disown him. And these days, if hediddecide to go into pro hockey, his sexuality probably wouldn’t destroy his career.

There were a number of “out” players in professional football now, and a few teams that it felt like were full of them, like the Los Angeles Riptide or the Miami Piranhas. Even the owner of the Charleston Condors was gay and dating an ex-player.

Hockey hadn’t quite followed suit, but it wouldprobablybe okay. Ramsey certainly didn’t seem worried about it. Neither did Elliott. And it was clear both of them were going to make it to the NHL. Ramsey had been drafted high and continued to perform as expected. Elliott wouldn’t be drafted until next year but there was already chatter about the forward.

“Well, you wanna talk about what’s had you so distracted on the ice, then? It was like you were in your own world out there today,” Ramsey questioned, still casual and friendly.

Ugh.

“Classes?” Ramsey continued. “Your knee? No, you said your knee was just fine.”

“Itisjust fine. You’ve been on the ice with me. You saw it for yourself.”

“Then it must be your classes. You ready to give up on that ridiculous major yet?” Ramsey teased gently.

What would Ramsey say if he knew Brody was actually, in the dark of night, when he couldn’t look at himself in the mirror andsee the uncertainty in his eyes, contemplating doing more with his degree than just bragging about it?

“No,” Brody said. “But yeah, it’s tough right now.” Not any tougher than normal, but then Ramsey didn’t need to know that.

“Mine too.”

Brody laughed. “What, now you’re struggling with what to say to those hot twins you keep propositioning?”

“Ugh, don’t remind me that they keep ghosting me. It’s a real fucking ego killer,” Ramsey said, his eyes twinkling.

“Uh-huh. Sure it is.” Ramsey’s ego was titanium-plated, and Brody couldn’t help but envy him for that.

Maybe if he was more like Ramsey this thing with Dean wouldn’t have thrown him the way it had.

“Seriously, though,” Ramsey said, “areyou okay?” His tone still held that friendly casual,we’re just chatting and bs-ingvibe, but the words were unexpectedly serious.

Very unlike Ramsey.

“I’m . . .” Brody swallowed hard. Told himself it was just the last bite of his sandwich, but it was more than that.

He’d started this year a few weeks ago very sure that he’d figure his shit out sooner rather than later.

But he was as conflicted as ever about his future, andnowthere was this thing with Dean. Of course, it wasn’t justDean. Dean was just the person Brody had experimented with. It was the fact that he’d wanted to experiment at all.

He didn’t feel found; instead, he felt more lost than ever.

“It’s okay to not be okay, you know,” Ramsey said, voice still even.

That was the one thing about Ramsey; he could be a remarkably judgment-free zone. He’d come here intending to not tell Ramsey shit, but the temptation to confess everything was strong.

“I’m going through some shit,” Brody admitted.

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