Page 96 of Melting the Ice

“Yeah.” Brody didn’t say why, but Dean could imagine more than a few reasons. Some casual-ish. Some that were quite a bit more serious.

“I . . .I’ll look at my schedule,” Dean said, but he already knew that he’d be moving heaven and earth to do it. Same way he’d fit in meeting Brody at the library and the gym. Same as he’d found the time to read up on hockey.

“Good,” Brody said and brushed a final kiss across his mouth. “I’m gonna go do some reading.”

And then he was gone, leaving Dean wondering what the fuck had just happened to their casual benefits arrangement.

Chapter Thirteen

“Hey, wait up,” Brodycalled out, chasing Ramsey down outside the rink.

It had been four days since the game they’d nearly lost because of that stupid power play goal and their argument after. Ramsey had ignored multiple texts, and whenever they were at the rink and at practice, he made sure there were other players and coaches around. Brody hadn’t been able to pin him down to talk since.

Except now.

He’d seen Ramsey ducking out, and he’d grabbed his bag, barely dressed, and chased after him.

His parents were in town, and tonight they, andDean, were going to dinner. But first, he needed to clear the air with his best friend.

The guy he’dthoughtwas his best friend. Lately, he was beginning to think that that particular position—and so much more—belonged to Dean, now.

Ramsey finally turned around. He had that blank look on his face. The one he seemed to wear around Brody a lot, lately. The one Brody hated. The one Brody was semi-tempted to punch off. “What?” he asked.

“Listen, I’m sorry, again, about the penalty,” Brody said, thinking that starting off with an apology and not an accusation like,You’re being fucking weird and it’s not helping my own weirdness about everythingmight make Ramsey more willing to listen.

It didn’t.

Ramsey’s face closed down even more. “I know,” he said. “You’re so fucking sorry.”

“That’s not fair,” Brody said. He refused to look away. Stared right at Ramsey, at the guy who’d taken him under his wing the moment he’d shown up on campus. Who’d been a mentor, but even more than that, afriend. And now seemingly had abandoned him, because of one stupid mistake—and a whole lot of questions.

“Nothing’s fair,” Ramsey said. “We were supposed to be unstoppable this year. I wanted us to be unstoppable. Instead, half the time it feels like you wanna be someplace else.” He paused. Made a face. “With someone else.”

“Wait. Are youjealous?” Brody could barely believe it. Was he jealous of Dean? Had he . . .no.There was no fucking way Ramsey had felt that way about him. He’d have known. He’d have sensed it.

But then, in the last two months, it didn’t feel like he really knew Ramsey anymore.

“Not the way you think,” Ramsey said. “Trust me. Dean’s welcome to you, that way. I just . . .after last year got fucked up with your injury, this was supposed to beouryear, Brody. You know it. I know you do. We fucking talked about beingthatteam on the ice. It was gonna propel both of us to the NHL. Andwhen Coach B showed up and he wanted the same thing, to get us there, I thought it might actually happen. I really wanted it. Iwantit. And suddenly, you just fucking don’t. Not anymore. It wasn’t supposed to be like that.”

“I know,” Brody said.

Ramsey shot him a look full of frustrated venom, and the worst part was that Brody couldn’t even blame him for it. This whole thing of Brody’s probably really fucking sucked for his teammates, for Ramsey specifically, but then it also sucked for him, too.

It wasn’t like he’dchosenthis sudden, pervasive doubt. All these undeniable questions.

“And that’s supposed to help?” Ramsey challenged. “That you know? That you feel so fucking bad, too?”

“No,” Brody said. He wanted to cry. He wanted to hug Dean. He wanted Dean to remind him again that this was allowed. That he was supposed to do what he wanted. Not what everyone else wanted from him.

Before Ramsey could rail at him again for things he couldn’t prevent, couldn’t change, Brody continued, “If it’s not you and me together anymore, you being pissed off about this is part of it. If I want to be around other people, it’s because theydon’tjudge me, don’t sit around waiting for the old Brody to show again. They accept that I don’t fucking know anymore. If I’m choosingthem, that’s why.”

And because of everyone I fucking know, you’re the most brainwashed, all of a fucking sudden—and that’s saying something, because I know Dean. And I don’t think anybody’s ever wanted to make it as badly as Dean does.

“Oh.” Ramsey looked suddenly deflated. Like Brody had unexpectedly pricked him in a soft, undefended spot, and all his anger just whooshed out. “I’m being an asshole, aren’t I?”

“Kinda, yeah. And me, too, frankly. We’re both being . . .well,assholes.”

Ramsey grinned, and it was only a shadow of his former carefree grin, but even the shadow was enough. Was better than the on-purpose blankness of before.

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