Page 95 of Ready Or Not

“Fine.” I drop another masked kiss on her forehead. “Whatever the little deer wants.”

But as we walk away, I can’t help but feel there’s something still missing from this one. My chest feels…empty.

Is it because there’s still one more kill? Because Noel’s still out there?

It’s been awfully quiet. There’s no bossy voice in my ear telling me what to do. No annoyed looks coming from across theroom. No silent force watching my back. No strong mountain keeping me safe.

I shake my head. That’s ridiculous. I can’t be wanting Manson, right?

Right. It’s just that I have one more kill. One more, and then my heart will stop turning flips in my chest, and finally,finally,I’ll be safe.

51

deathwish (feat. nothing,nowhere.) - Stand Atlantic

It didn’t take me long to see that Riley had covered all the cameras. Which is never a good thing.

What the hell is she still trying to do? Why is she so frantic to leave? Clearly, I’ve missed something. Something important.

So I do what I’ve been avoiding this whole time. I make a call to the jail.

It doesn’t take long to get the information I wanted, and that information makes me pull over to the side of the road and empty my stomach of everything that was in it.

I missed it. Somehow, I missed it. For years, I pushed her, held her down, and forced her to submit. I knew everything I could know about my wife, but I somehow missed this.

I couldn’t keep her safe. It doesn’t matter that it happened before I knew her. I couldn’t avenge her.

And now she’s trying to do it alone. Unprepared.

I find the locations of the other two men. I don’t know which one she’s picking next, but I go for the closest one.

I pull into town, drive around for a bit, and then find them just outside town, parked at a roadside stop, eating McDonald’s chicken nuggets. Or, Rachel is. Riley’s just watching her with an unreadable expression.

I don’t yell. I don’t shout or throw them over my shoulder.

I’m numb.

The significance of how badly I failed hits me. I’m usually numb when I’m not around Riley, but this sort of numbness is so much deeper. It’s like my whole brain is empty.

I couldn’t protect the one woman I’ve been obsessed with my whole life. The woman who always has something interesting to say. The woman who never gives in to me. The woman who always makes me mad.

But I can’t even get mad now. There’s just…nothing there.

I just sit next to them on the tailgate. Rachel offers me a chicken nugget, and I take it.

We’re all silent, just watching the wind whip over the harvested field. Watching the sun as it gets close to setting.

I don’t want to talk to her. My chest tightens at the thought. Will she mock me? Laugh at me like she always does?

Fuck it. I failed her and, by proxy, myself.

I know she won’t listen to me. She never has, but I feel like I have to at least say it. Finally, I open my mouth. “The day you tried to kill your mom, there were cameras recording your every move.”

A bird flies across the sky, slow and unhurried. Riley says nothing.

“I would have bought the cops out for you, Riley. But I knew there would eventually be a day I wouldn’t be able to do that, and I wanted you to learn how to do it right.”

The wind whips the warm smell of baked grasses into our faces.

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