Page 62 of Better Hide

I settle into him, stiff at first but relaxing slowly. We both lay there for a while, and I think Cole has gone to sleep. I’m drifting in and out of sleep when I faintly hear, “I’ll chase you to the endsof the earth, Jo. Please stop hiding from me.” Then, even softer, “I need you.”

28

JAYDEN

Seven YearsOld

“So, what’s your favorite game?”

I glance at Pat. He’s taken us fishing, and we’re set up on the side of the river. He’s Mom’s friend, and we just met, but he’s been really nice to me.

I watch my bobber. “Well, I like Tetris. But I don’t really play that often.”

“Oh yeah?” Pat’s bobber sinks for a second, then comes back up.

“Yeah.” I reel my line in and cast again.

“Why not?”

I glance at him. He’s persistent. No adult has shown this much interest in me before.

“I don’t have a Gameboy.”

“Oh! Well, I think we can fix that.”

I watch my bobber silently. Mom says that kind of thing to me all the time. I’ve learned she never means it.

We fish for a while longer, neither of us catching anything, but it’s peaceful. Pat talks to me about my life, school, and myfriends. Then after, he takes me to the store and buys me a Gameboy. “I love you, Jayden,” he chuckles as he pats me on the head.

I barely believe it’s real.

I can’t believe how nice that was. For the first time in a while, my heart warms. Maybe things will be looking up from here.

29

JAYDEN

Present Day

I stareat the ceiling long after Cole and Jo fall asleep. I’m covered in a cold sweat as if I ran a mile when I literally just lay here.

I heard their whole whispered conversation. The L Word was thrown around, and it made me sick. Jo trusts him. I mean, she doesn’t fully, but she will. I know she will. Cole is anything, if not persistent.

It’s disgusting.

I roll over, huffing out a breath. She’ll never talk to me like that. I know why she doesn’t. I’m not like Cole. I can’t be. It’s not my nature to be soft, even though I’ve also watched her closely. Memorized every video she made so I could repeat it line by line. I knew her favorite thing to make was mac ‘n cheese. She always made videos about it between the ramen videos when she seemed down.

Fucking hell, I might be getting soft. I can’t be soft. When people are soft, they get hurt.

I feel a drop of sweat roll down my forehead, and I throw the covers off me and get out of bed.

When Cole and Jo started whispering, I wanted to run. I wanted to fight. To shove my hand over Jo’s mouth and shut her up. But I didn’t. I froze, unable to move as I listened to them. Stuck. Frozen. Trapped. Like I have been my whole life.

My heart races as I think about it, and hot anger sparks inside me.

What the hell is wrong with me? I pace back and forth. I wanted to sleep. Need to. I haven’t slept much since we picked Jo up a few days ago. I can hardly think straight.

But I need to plan. Need to nail down where we’re going and how we’re getting there.

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