Page 46 of Better Hide

I take a step toward Cole. “If you don’t give the knife to me, I’ll take it from you.”

Cole takes a step back, laughing bitterly. “Like I said, fuck you, Jayden.”

I eye him. He doesn’t know what’s good for him. He needs sleep. How long has he been awake? At least a day and a half, minus a small nap.

Cole moves with me every time I move, watching me closely, muscles tense.

He can’t make good decisions, so I’ll make them for him. “Don’t make me fight you, Cole. You’re not in your right mind.”

Cole spits onto the ground. “Just because I cut doesn’t make me crazy, Jayden. Stop being a fucking cunt.”

If he won’t take care of himself, I’ll do it for him. I walk calmly toward him. I act confident, but I’m not. I spent high school fighting, but Cole spent it wrestling. I know the only way I can win this is if I fight dirty. And I don’t want to hurt him.

“I’ll give it back once you’ve had some sleep.” I won’t.

Cole shakes his head.

There’s a slight noise from the car, and Cole turns slightly to glance at it.

I strike. I throw a quick, light blow to his head. Cole doesn’t duck in time, and it glances off the side of his face. I sweep his legs out from under him, and I’m on top of him in a flash.

“Jesus,” Cole immediately closes the distance between us, gripping one of my arms to flip us. I swoop my arm out of his hold, but he has my opposite leg wrapped just as quickly. Cole bucks both of us up, and before I realize it, my other arm is trapped under his, and he’s flipping us so I’m underneath him. Cole presses all his weight into me, pinning me to the hard ground. I try to free my hand to reach into his pocket to get the knife.

“By all means, keep fighting me, Jayden.” Cole sounds bored. “It hurts. I like it.”

I stop.

Cole shakes his head in disgust. “You’re fucked up, you know that? Stop trying to help me and focus on yourself.”

I grit my teeth. I don’t matter.

“See? That right there.” Cole pushes off me, dusting off his hands and standing. “You can’t make up for the past, Jayden.”

I push up, glaring at him.

Cole gives me a frustrated look. “Pat got me too, Jay. I had a shitty mom. That’s my burden to bear. I’m sorry, but stop trying to fix me.” He turns around and stalks back to the car.

Fuck. The words hit me in the chest. We’ve only openly talked about it once. The day he told me about it at the beginning of my senior year. It rips open an old scab between us.

I watch Cole yank the car door open and climb in.

Feelings. Too many feelings swirl in my head.

I don’t need to fix myself. I just need to stop feeling. That will fix everything. The more I feel, the more the people I care about get hurt. And I can’t have that.

I can’t feel. I can’t be soft.

23

JO

I’m notsure how long we sleep. I wake up multiple times with Cole curled around me in some position or another. If I could have tossed and turned, I would have, but the ropes, his heavy weight, and the small seats made that impossible. Despite that, the ropes weren’t uncomfortable, and Cole made sure to take the collar off before I slept, which I appreciated more than I’d tell him.

When we get up, it’s getting dark again. They untie me, and I shake the stiffness out of my limbs. I have to change into my last pair of shorts since Cole ruined my other one, and they make me take a piss outside. The whole time, both men are stiff and silent. They’re like a storm waiting to happen.

I’m hungry and thirsty, but I don’t want to break the stifling silence. No one speaks. Jayden dresses my arm again, and Cole continues to send me obsessive looks. It makes goosebumps prickle across my skin.

When we get back in the car, Jayden gets in the front seat. “Hand me the damn bag.”

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