Page 44 of Better Hide

“Cole, please,” I moan.

“Are you begging, Jo?” Cole leans over me, dropping his forehead to mine and tilting his head. I immediately stiffen.

“What are you begging for?”

I clench my jaw.

“Tell me,” Cole whispers.

“I’ll never beg.”

But for the first time, part of me wants to. I want to say that I didn’t mean to hurt him. That I’m just exhausted. That I’m tired of fighting to not get hurt.

Cole watches my face. Something like pain flashes across his eyes. “Still hiding from me, I see.”

Cole yanks out of me, still hard, and tucks himself back into his pants.

“Don’t hide, Jo. Cause I’m going to force every little secret out of that pretty little head, no matter how much I have to hurt you to get them.”

Cole slides back on the seat and then opens the door. “Take the collar off, Jay. She can’t sleep with it on.”

Then Cole steps out of the car and slams the door.

21

JAYDEN

One Year Ago

“What the fuck?”Cole sucks in a breath, seeing Pat trussed up and tied to a chair in the garage. I told Cole I wanted to use his cabin for a few days, but not for this. I park and glance over at Cole. I’ve been torturing Pat for the past few days, but it hasn’t been enough. It’ll never be enough.

“Jayden?” For a second, anguish flashes in Cole’s eyes as he looks at Pat, sitting bound and gagged, naked in the cold.

Pain runs through me again. I could have prevented this anguish. If only I had done more as a kid. If only I didn’t lock up like a stone as soon as I saw Pat’s eyes drift over Cole. I did what I thought was enough, but it wasn’t. I thought this could make up for it. But clearly, it’s just hurting him again.

“Sorry, you can go. I’ll kill him today, and it’ll be over.”

“Jayden.” Cole’s eyes are locked on Pat. “I think you’ve lost it.”

I wince.

A smile curves across Cole’s face.

“We can go.”

“No.” Cole slips out of the car and slams the door. I follow. Within the last year, I’ve killed someone on the job, quit that job, and dumped my long-time girlfriend. I’m sure some would say that I’ve lost it. But I think I’ve just started living.

Cole strides into the garage, as usual, unafraid to commit. Cole circles Pat, eyeing him up and down. I’ve tried to keep the injuries insignificant. He has no more fingernails or toenails. I ate a few in front of him before he passed out.

“Hey there, stepdaddy,” Cole laughs. “Looking cold. Jayden been treating you well?”

Pat moans. Cole stalks around him, grinning. He looks angry and alive.

For a second, I feel lighter. Cole is happy. I gave him this. The happiness doesn’t last long, though.

Cole spends a few hours with Pat. He cuts his eyelids, foreskin, lips, and asshole off, using that pearl-handled knife he’s so fond of. Cole stops every time Pat passes out and only starts again when he’s back. He doesn’t hesitate at all. In fact, he’s a bit manic about it.

The more angry Cole gets, the more crippling guilt I feel. My best friend is here, and he shouldn’t be. And it’s all because of me.

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