Page 78 of Better Hide

Cole looks down at me in surprise, then with concern. He steps down to me. “You good?”

“Fine,” I bite out, instinctually defensive at him seeing the show of emotion. I stand to my feet. I want to rip Cole’s eyes out so he doesn’t remember he saw me like this.

Cole clenches his jaw.

Fuck. Here I go again.

Cole shakes his head in disgust. “Okay, whatever. Forget I asked.” He stands.

I suck in a breath. I don’t want this. I don’t want my best friend to look at me like this. Why can’t I get myself under control?

Cole gets up.

“Wait!” I grind my teeth together.

I’m not like Pat. I’m not.

Cole stops but doesn’t glance back at me.

I pull in a breath.Don’t be vulnerable. Don’t be vulnerable; you’ll get hurt.

Cole shakes his head and keeps going.

“Wait.” The word feels dry in my mouth. I clear my throat.

Cole hasn’t turned, but he doesn’t keep walking away.

I try to get the words out, but they won’t come. And that makes me angry. Why can’t I even fucking speak?

Weak. I’m being weak again.

I grit my teeth. “I can’t be soft, okay? Is that what you wanted to hear?” As soon as the words are out, I feel like throwing up.

Cole turns his head to look at me.

I sneer at him. “You win. I can’t be what you and Jo so clearly want me to be. So there. Feel better?”

“Jayden.” Cole looks angry, then pauses to take a breath.

I shake my head. This is stupid.

“It’s not about winning or losing.” Cole runs a hand through his hair. “What is going on? Why are you so obsessed with breaking her?”

At the thought of Jo’s constant defiance, anger rolls through me. Familiar, comforting anger. “Because she won’t stop fucking fighting.”

Cole scoffs and shakes his head. “You can’t change who she is, Jayden. She’s a fighter. It’s her trauma response, and she’ll pick it over flight or freeze. It’s who she is.”

I glare at Cole. He glares right back at me.

“Why do you look so confused? The trauma responses.” Cole still glares at me. “Did you not pay any attention in school?”

I snarl, “I paid attention, dumb fuck. But I was too busy fighting off the little shits trying to kick your ass.” But I have no idea what he’s talking about.

“Jesus, maybeIneed to kickyourass. You need it.” Cole throws his hands in the air. “Fight, flight, or freeze. People have set reactions to trauma and stress. You have to accept her for who she is, Jay. I like her fight. And I think you do, too, if you could get out of whatever is going on in your own stupid head.”

I shake my head. Fight, flight, or freeze.

Freeze.

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