Page 90 of Judging Duke

He tried to speak, his voice breaking up. “She’s gone. My sweet Barbara has gone.”

“No.” I sank into the chair, not wanting to believe what he was telling me. I shook my head. “She can’t be.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, and I choked back a sob, hearing Cyril do the same.

“When? How?” Simon’s warm hand touched my shoulder, and I reached up to hold it.

“She passed away peacefully in her sleep last night. She didn’t suffer, I don’t think, although the morphine may have helped with that.”

“Why was she taking morphine?” I knew deep down why. I’d just refused to see it.

“She had cancer but had decided not to treat it. She said she’d already lived a good life and was ready to go.”

Tears coursed down my face. How could she be gone?

“Why didn’t she tell me?” I didn’t understand.

“She didn’t tell anyone. Only the doctor and I knew the seriousness of her condition. I think a lot of people guessed there was something wrong, but she always denied it.”

She’d done that to me, and I was so fucking cross I’d not had the chance to say goodbye to her. I’d fled that night in France with my tail between my legs.

She was a wonderful woman, one I was proud to call my friend.

Cyril continued. “She wanted to die with grace, to keep her hair, to not have to endure the endless rounds of chemotherapy that promised nothing but a 40 percent chance of survival. To her, the odds weren’t good enough, and she chose death over life. I wasn’t happy about it, I can tell you, but it was her choice and I would never have gone against her wishes.”

I heard the words he was saying, but nothing was sinking in. I refused to believe I’d never see her again.

“So, what’s next?”

“There’ll be a quiet funeral over here. She didn’t want a fuss, so it’ll just be me probably and a few friends.”

“I want to come. When is it?”

“You don’t have to.” His voice was barely a whisper. He must be heartbroken.

“I want to.”

I looked up at Simon, his eyes filled with unshed tears.

“We’ll go,” he mouthed. I was sure neither of us wanted to miss our chance to sayau revoir.

“I’ll send you the details when I have them.”

“Promise me?” I couldn’t miss it.

“I promise, Duke. I’m just sorry I had to be the bearer of bad news.”

“I’m sorry too, Cyril. I know you were together a long time. How are you holding up?”

“It’s hard without my Babs. The world has lost one of its brightest stars, but I know she’ll be shining down on me from the skies. She didn’t believe in heaven or hell, God or the Devil, but she did believe in spiritual reincarnation. I know that she’ll find me in another lifetime.”

How he was keeping it together as well as he was, I didn’t know.

I was a blubbering mess, my face full of tears and snot.

“If you need anything…”

“I know where you are. I want you to know she thought the world of you, Duke. She was never able to have children, but if she could have had anyone as a son, she would have chosen you. You were often in her thoughts.”

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