Page 87 of Judging Duke

“Well, Debbie told us you were there and were having a hard time with what happened to Robbie. Your dad and I thought it would be better for you to stay with her for the summer, and we told her that. When we called, she’d say you were out with friends, and I took her at her word when she told me you missed us. I can’t believe she lied to us all this time.”

Tears spilled from her eyes, and she covered her face with her hands, her sobs filling the silence. Dad rubbed her back. His jaw clenched.

“If he wasn’t already dead, I’d kill him myself.”

“What do you mean? Dead? Isla said they’d divorced.”

“They did,” Isla continued. “Bill died a couple of months ago. I’m sure you knew he was an alcoholic.”

I’d guessed but hadn’t known for sure.

“Where did you go when you left? By the time Debbie told us you’d gone, saying she didn’t know where, it was too late. We reported you missing to the police, but you were seventeen by then. They kept telling us you’d turn up. We even hired a private detective, and I can’t tell you the amount of scammers that came to our door telling us they had information.”

I didn’t know any of this. Isla had said nothing. I’d been so preoccupied with staying away, I never thought of the consequences of my disappearance. Now here we were, fifteen years later, all of us learning something new.

I’d avoided them and avoided this conversation for so many years, preferring to live in the dark.

I debated whether to tell them about my life on the street, but honestly, I thought knowing I’d been raped was enough for them right now. Maybe at another time when emotions weren’t as raw, I could tell them, or maybe never. Some things are better left in the past.

“I’m sorry I disappeared, Mum. I guess I wasn’t thinking straight, thinking I’d be a constant burden to you and Dad. I couldn’t have that, and I am sorry I hurt you so much.”

“We know, son, but we didn’t want to hurt you and chase you away again, so we’ve taken anything you’ve been willing to offer these past few years. I just wish you’d told us about Bill sooner.”

Where had it all gone wrong? How had we not discussed any of this all these years?

I’d wrongly assumed they hadn’t really cared. Little did I know they’d searched high and low for me. I should have knownthey would have looked, but then, I didn’t want to be found. There was the difference. I’d hidden myself away.

“We even got psychics involved to see if you were still alive.” Mum sniffled, wiping her nose on a tissue.

“Fuck, Mum.” I was such a dick.

“Language, Duke.”

“Sorry, Dad.” I reached into my pocket, placing a pound coin on the table. “For the jar.”

Tension in the room had settled, but I knew there’d be many more discussions. As much as I’d told my parents all they could handle today, I felt I owed it to Isla to tell her the rest of my story.

“Mum, Dad. I love you dearly. I can’t believe we let it get out of hand and are only now getting things out into the open. Telling you… I was ashamed I let it happen. I ran when I should have come home. I just thought I wasn’t worth the effort anymore.”

“Oh, Duke,” Mum said, hugging me. “I’m sorry you felt that way or that you thought there was no other way out. You’ll always be my little boy.”

“Kelly, it’s time we left. The restaurant opens soon.” Dad tapped his watch, showing the time.

“Of course. We will talk about this more, but I have to go get ready.” She kissed my forehead, bringing me in for another bone-crushing hug before letting me go and disappearing upstairs.

Dad, not one to mince his words, had something to say.

“You broke your mother’s heart when you disappeared. You do that again, son, and you’ll have me to contend with. I know your reasons, but anything happens like that again. You come to us first, you hear me?”

“Yes, sir. I understand.” With that, he was gone, following Mum to get ready for work.

That left me and Isla.

She eyed me with distrust.

“So, what didn’t you tell them?”

“Something I knew they wouldn’t be able to handle. I’m of two minds if I should tell you. I don’t want you to think any less of me. They would for sure, and I’ve already disappointed them enough. Running away like that, hardly keeping in touch. I should have done better.”

---