Page 79 of Judging Duke

“I’ve lived with this hatred for fifteen years. I realise now that I hated you for all the wrong reasons, thinking for years it was your fault, but hearing your side of the story, what you went through after you left… I’ve been angry at the wrong person. You were kids. Stupid fucking kids, but at the time, all I saw was you standing on your own two feet and Robbie lifeless on the floor.”

“You need to let go, else I don’t think we can be together. If that’s what you really want. Being with a man that resents me, a man that can’t forget the consequences of my youthful recklessness, is going to be a hard no.”

As much as this hurt, I had to know where he stood.

His actions had initially forced my hand, leading me to leave my home and move to Liverpool. The rest of the decisions were mine and mine alone. I didn’t blame him for those. They lay solely at my feet.

“I think I need some time. This has all moved so quickly. I don’t know where my head is at right now.”

I understood, but I’d not regret this evening. If we never met again, then so be it. It would hurt, no doubt about that.

Simon hadn’t been in my life for years, and I’d managed without him. But reconnecting with him had reignited old feelings, and boy, had they grown these past few days. I’d had a taste of him, literally, and it would be harder to put him out of my mind and go on as before.

I picked up my clothes and redressed. Confessions had a habit of ruining an evening, and I guessed mine had been a doozy.

I found a pen and paper and jotted down my mobile number. He could use it or not, or he could give it to Robbie; it was his choice.

“I fly home tomorrow. Here’s my number. Pass it on to Robbie, and I’ll make sure to visit him. It’s been too long.”

Simon said nothing, and I took that as my cue to leave, closing the door behind me.

Instead of waiting for tomorrow’s flight, I packed my bags and went downstairs, finding Cyril sitting alone on the terrace.

“Good night?” he asked, smiling.

“Not as good as I’d have hoped.”

“Oh, that surprises me.”

“Believe me, that part of it was good. The talking after? Not so much. Probably best if I make tracks and head home. Is Barbara okay?”

“She’ll be fine, just a little tired, is all. Thank you for all you’ve done for her. We both appreciate it. Come out again, though, when it’s not so busy. I think she’d like that.”

I stuck out my hand, and he shook it.

“I’ll grab a taxi.”

“No need, I’ll get someone to give you a lift.”

As the car sped towards the airport, I gazed out of the window at the lights of the towns reflecting in the now inky black water.

At least I’d had a break, but it was time to get back to it. Back to my humdrum life in Liverpool. I’d come a long way from where I’d started, but I felt no remorse. What’s done was done, as the old cliché went.

Life moved on; that’s all that mattered.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

SIMON

Expecting to see Duke the following morning at breakfast, my heart sank upon hearing the news he’d left the previous evening.

It was all my fault.

“How did he seem?” I sat next to Cyril on the terrace, a chill in the air for the first time since arriving.

“Hard to say. Maybe you should talk to him. We both know there’s something between you, although I’m not exactly sure what that is. I think only you and he can work out what.”

He was right about that. All night, I’d lain awake, replaying our conversation in my head. I never knew things had been that bad for him, but then, after he’d run, I’d put him out of my mind as best I could. For years after the accident, my attention and focus had been on Robbie, and only occasionally had I given Duke any thought.

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