Page 64 of Saved By the Mountain Man

“I’m not going anywhere,” he said.

I looked into his eyes, trying to find the truth. I’d thought he and I were a sure thing once upon a time, too. And then he’d left.

“I won’t be able to handle it if I lose you again, Tanner,” I admitted. “I’m not strong enough to recover again.” There, the words were out. I couldn’t try to be strong and act like I didn’t need him anymore.

I needed him like I needed the air I breathed. He had always been my everything, and now more than ever, I needed that stability.

Before he could answer me, the door opened, and the doctor walked in. He wore a white coat and a reassuring smile, a clipboard pinned under his arm.

“We’ve reviewed your initial tests,” he said, looking at me. “It appears that your symptoms are stress related. The baby is fine, Rae. But you need to take it easy and avoid any more stress. It’s still a long road ahead for you.”

I blinked at the doctor. “Everything is okay? You’re sure?”

“We’re going to want to see you in a couple of weeks just to check up on you, and if you feel anything in the meantime I want you to come to us right away. The hospital is still an option, and I don’t want to take any chances. But right now… yeah. I’m sure. Everything looks fine.”

I let out a breath of relief, my body sagging after I’d fought to stay upright for so long. Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes. “Thank you, Doctor,” I breathed.

The doctor nodded, giving us a few more instructions before leaving us alone again. The room fell into silence again, the tension easing from my shoulders.

The baby was okay.

We were going to be okay.

Tanner turned to me, pulling a chair closer and he sat down so that he looked up at me.

“Rae, there’s something I need to tell you.”

My stomach twisted again.

Oh God, here it comes. He’s going to leave again. He’s saying goodbye.

“Tanner, I can’t.”

“Just listen. I need to tell you the truth.”

I stared at him, willing him not to leave me, willing him to say anything other than that I wasn’t good enough.

He took a deep breath, his eyes turned down, and I could see the war inside him etched on his face. He wasn’t hiding anything from me now.

“The reason I left…” He swallowed hard, and my heart beat in my throat. “It wasn’t because I didn’t care about you. It was because I thought it was the only way to protect you, to keep you safe.”

I frowned. “That doesn’t make any sense. Protect me from what?”

Tanner’s grip on my hand tightened, and his hazel eyes found mine, filled with so much pain my heart ached for him.

“From me.” His voice broke. “I was involved in something terrible, Rae. I set up a meeting for Vito, and it ended in the deaths of an entire family. Including…” He hesitated, and his hand trembled on mine. “Including a child.”

I sucked in my breath.

His eyes were misty now. “I didn’t know. You should know that. I would never have set anything up if I knew… but it was still my fault. I told Vito that I was done, and he threatened to kill me. Because of everything I knew, because of how deep I was into all that shit.”

“Tanner…” I started.

“I had my head so far up his ass, I didn’t get it until that night. I didn’t realize what I was doing, what a monster I’d become. I had to get out of there, Rae. I had to run, and I couldn’t let him do something to you. He put his men on me, and if I even went home, they would have found you… so I didn’t go home. I left.”

My heart ached at his words, the pain in his eyes, his words echoing the pain I’d felt then, too. I’d thought he’d left me because of me, because I wasn’t good enough. Now, it turned out it was the other way around. “Oh, Tanner…”

“I’m a piece of shit, Rae. I’m no good. A monster.”

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