Page 53 of Redeeming Heart

We could joke around, talk about serious stuff and not judge each other.

Brandon left around close to eleven as he also had a life to get back to. I offered to do the cleaning up, not feeling in the mood to go to bed yet.

My father entered the kitchen after putting Jonah to bed who didn’t give him a choice as he has fallen asleep on the couch in the middle of something we were watching.

He helped me load the dishes after I rinsed them with not a single word said between us. I know he had questions about Brandon, but he didn’t bother asking and I know the suspense was killing him.

“Brandon is just a friend. I still feel the same way as I did three years ago about dating and boys.” It felt as if I needed to inform him.

“Having a romantic relationship with a guy doesn’t bother me, Sasha. I can’t stop you or stand in your way because things like that happen even though it is hard for me to watch you grow up into a woman.”

I gave him a questioning look. “

I just told you that Brandon and I are friends. More like acquaintances but still, there is nothing romantic going on between us.”

Things were a little weird after Brandon mentioned that nobody cared about my feelings. I wish I could slap it out of my father to say what was on his mind or bothering him, but he said nothing. He just stood there on the side looking at me.

“Well, goodnight.” I decided to turn in and made my way.

“Sasha-lee,” I closed my eyes when my father used my full name. He stopped calling me by my full name after mom passed away.

I reopened my eyes and turned to meet his eyes.

“Is it true what Brandon said about you trying to express your despair but no one is paying attention?”

I wanted to lie so badly to assure him that I was fine, but I wasn’t. I was hurting from hiding my pain because I tried to be selfless like my mother.

I pulled up my shoulders not knowing what to say.

“Tell me the truth about how you feel about Meredith and me.” He pressed, coming over to where I stood.

The pieces of my soul staggered further apart when all I wanted to do was tell the truth, but the truth doesn’t always set a person free. It causes chaos and not everyone can handle the truth.

“You know how I feel about everything,” I replied.

He shook his head. “No,” He began.

“No, I don’t. You never told me.”

I felt my heart tearing up because he hasn’t learned a thing.

“I expressed my anger and opinions quite vividly, father. You just never paid attention to them because you called them immature.” His eyes widened at my confession.

“I couldn’t talk to you about things because you never had time for me.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Can running away from your mistakes and problems, fix itself?

I thought about what Brandon said last night over and over until my mind was ready to explode from all the questions jumping up.

I couldn’t fall asleep with all of these unanswered questions going around in my head. All this time I called myself selfish for being alive while my mother wasn’t. I held my emotions back because I feared trusting life. After all, the small touch of destruction makes a building tumble over and rips a soul to pieces.

I walked down the dark, empty streets with my skateboard tucked underneath my arm. Darkness didn’t scare me or the monsters lurking in it. I’ve become one of the restless souls searching for the so-called light that would point me in the direction of the path I should follow.

The skatepark was still surrounded by morning dusk when I arrived. I climbed over the railings and made my way over to the ramp. I haven’t been at the skatepark for a few weeks since my father grounded me and slowly, I was being consumed by the memories of my heartache.

Jaylin loved surfing because the waves somehow gave her healing, she shared all of her secrets with me, even when she injured herself on purpose to get the rush feeling pumping through her veins. I know of it all and I understood what she was looking for because I am standing on that edge of not caring and wanting to fight.

---