Page 32 of Redeeming Heart

“Come on, Sash. I know how bad you want this but instead of thinking about yourself, you are worried about others.” Megan said.

“Like us, you have dreams that also matter,” Megan added.

“Sasha?” I glanced over my shoulder when I heard Aunt Maggie saying my name.

“What are these girls doing in my pub?” She asked with a questioning look.

“Having a soda.” I blurted out and pretended to place an order for fifteen sodas.

The knowing look in her eyes made me realize she knew I was lying. “Can I have a quick word with you?” She asked, gesturing towards the back room which is supposed to be her office but she is most of the time sitting in front, keeping an eye on everyone and playing bodyguard.

“I’ll sort out the sodas,” Hendricks assured me with a smile.

I shot him a grateful look before joining my aunt in her office. “Are you going to share with me who those girls were?” Aunt Maggie got straight to the point. “And don’t you dare lie to me, Sasha.” She warned.

“Do you remember when coach Peterson asked me to join his team that he was putting together?” I asked.

She nodded.

“Well, that’s the team he recruited and they had their first game this passing weekend which we lost.”

“We?”

I nodded my head. “Yeah, Dad and I had an exchange of impolite words, and as usual I walked away. My feet carried me all the way over to the field where they were having their first game and somewhere during their game, I asked the coach to put me on the team. “I understand now why my mother always had such a hard time keeping quiet at my games.

“You played?” She asked with surprise.

“Yeah,” I drawled.

“It was the biggest mistake I could make because it is all I am thinking about since the weekend,” I admitted.

“They are here to ask me to join their team permanently.” I finished.

“If the game is all you have been thinking about, why are you turning them down?”

“Because of mom.”

She gave me a look filled with understanding and empathy. “I know it’s tough to go out there again without her, cheering you on and teaching you things but she wouldn’t have wanted you to give up because of her.”

“It will only destroy her,”

“I am not as strong as her, Aunt Maggie,” I confessed.

“You don’t have to be as strong as her to take your first step towards something you want and it won’t make you selfish. You’ve got to stop blaming yourself for her death and illness.”

“My sister has been ill her whole life and she knew exactly what life held for her. She always told me that she can never have a normal life like the rest of us but she got more than she ever bargained for because she never let it consume her. She met the love of her life. Got married. Had a daughter when everyone was against it or warned her that she would die but she didn’t. She got to spend a few years with you and that’s all she could ever ask for.” Aunt Maggie explained.

“If she could risk it all, what is keeping you from having it all?”

By now tears were slowly escaping from my eyes and trickling down my cheeks at the thought of how selfish I was for giving up when my mother suffered from cancer her whole life. She didn’t complain about it or let it bother her. She went out there and lived her life to the fullest, and she died with a happy conscience even though she wanted more of life.

“It wasn’t my intention to make you sad, Sasha.” Aunt Maggie noted, coming over to embrace me with a hug. “You just needed a reminder that she never wanted you to see you give up.”

I pulled away from her and wiped off my tears. “How do I even go out there and act all tough when I am all gloomy from the inside?”

“Only you possess the willpower and knowledge. The question you should ask yourself is how bad do you want this?”

I’ve wanted this since I was just a kid, mumbling words and chasing butterflies. Hockey is a big part of me and a piece of my mother will forever be with me—no matter what.

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