Page 58 of Chase Our Forever

I lean into his touch, my eyes curiously roaming over him in an attempt to get a read on him. “How?”

“Because the way I care about you, it doesn’t feel like we only met two weeks ago. I’ve let you in when I don’t typically let people in. Clara’s let you in. She loves you, and because of that, I can’t kiss you again…no matter how badly I want to.”

I nod as I try to gather my thoughts. He keeps his hand pressed to my cheek, his thumb caressing my cheekbone, as he gives me all the time I need to think of a response. I want to tell him that no matter what happens between us, I’d never let it getin the way of being Clara’s nanny. I want to be in her life for as long as possible.

I’ve fallen in love with the little girl in the two weeks we’ve spent together, and the last thing I could ever do is hurt her. But I keep all of that to myself because I understand why Dean’s worried. I would be, too, if I were in his position.

“Say something.” He slides his hand to the back of my neck. I wish I didn’t find so much comfort in his touch. I wish he wasn’t my boss. I wish he could allow himself to open up more, to go after what he wants.

“I understand,” I tell him, knowing that’s what he needs to hear. “I don’t blame you. I want you in a way I’ve never wanted someone else. The attraction…” I let out a sigh as I try not to think about how close he is and how easy it’d be to close the distance between us. “The attraction is there. I’ve never had that kind of physical connection with someone. But I also…” My words trail off as I try to think about what else I want to say and how I want to say it.

“Feel more than just the physical?” Dean offers.

I nod as I look into his whiskey-colored eyes. “Yes.”

“That’s the part that scares me,” he whispers. “I’ve known you for a short time, but things just feel right. But you’re not meant to stay in Sutten forever. And I’m a broken man who can’t give you anything, even if you had plans of being here long-term. I can’t get hurt again. I can’t hurt Clara.”

I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. I wrap my arms around his neck and crawl into his lap. He instantly wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me against his body. I nestle my face into the crook of his neck and savor being in his embrace. I know it won’t happen again.

“I won’t hurt you, Dean.” My lips move against his neck. “I won’t hurt Clara.”

I can feel his intense sigh of relief. His entire body slackens against mine. It makes me sad. This man is so terrified of losing people that he chooses to close himself off from them instead. I push off his chest a little so I can look him in the eyes with my next words.

He doesn’t move me from his lap, and I don’t move, choosing to make this moment last for as long as possible. “I can’t imagine leaving anytime soon. I’m here. And I understand we should stop the kissing and the…other stuff.” A blush creeps onto my cheeks at the mention of what else we’ve done, what else we were going to do had we not been interrupted. “But please don’t shut down on me. I still want to be the person you open up to. I want to keep these late-night porch swing talks and the coffee together in the morning and all of it.”

His fingers twitch against my lower back as he keeps my body pinned to his. “I want to keep those, too. And I’ll try not to. I’m not used to…” He pauses as he tries to think about what else to say.

“I know,” I finish for him, not needing him to say anything else. I don’t want to force him into thinking he has to share his every thought with me. I just need him to know that the unlikely friendship we’ve built in the last two weeks is something I want to hold on to. Even if I still think about kissing him as well.

Dean leans forward and rests his forehead against mine. Our breaths fall in sync, and I don’t know how long we sit there, forehead to forehead, enjoying the comfort of each other’s touch for the last time. “Thank you,” he whispers. “For understanding.”

I nod before climbing out of his lap. I miss feeling his touch the moment I’m gone, but if things need to go back to being somewhat professional between us, I should probably start by not sitting in his lap.

I plaster on a smile as I get comfortable on my side of the swing a safe distance away from him. I take a deep breath. I can do this. I can be the friend he so clearly needs. “So tell me what your Halloween costume is going to be on Monday.”

35

LIV

“Livvy! Hurry up!”Clara demands, waiting at the door of Wake and Bake for me.

I smile at her, making sure to lock the car before joining her on the sidewalk. I’ve now officially been her nanny for just over a month, and sometimes her bossiness still takes me by surprise.

“I’m coming,” I tell her, pulling the door open and ushering her inside.

I knew November in Colorado would be cold; I just didn’t realize how cold it can feel when the wind is blowing like it is today. Clara runs inside Wake and Bake, forgetting all about me at the door.

“Clara!” Lexi yells from where she places pastries in the display case. “I’ve been looking forward to you visiting me all day.”

Clara runs behind the counter as if she owns the place and wraps her arms around Lexi in a big hug.

Just when I’m about to say something to Lexi, Pippa walks out of the back room with her fiancé, Camden. They seem deep in conversation about something, but Pippa’s face lights up the moment she spots us.

“There’s my favorite Clara and my favorite nanny of hers!” Pippa says, looking over at me and winking.

Clara shakes her head before running over and giving Pippa a hug, just like the one she gave Lexi. “Livvy’s my only nanny right now, Pippa. Daddy tells me Livvy’s his favorite, too. And that he wants her to stay.”

My cheeks heat a little as Pippa looks at me with a smug grin. Her arms cross over her chest proudly. “Oh, does he?” she accuses jokingly.

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