Page 40 of Chase Our Forever

I can’t help but laugh. “I wasn’t aware you named the dog.”

She tucks her chin over her knees. “I know naming her was a bad idea because it means we’re attached, but we couldn’t help it. She’s so chill and sweet. Clara and I just fell in love and thought she needed the perfect name before getting adopted.”

“She’s been begging me to bring home that damn puppy,” I remark. The porch swing squeaks as I continue to use my foot to swing us back and forth.

“Does begging help? I’ll start begging, too, if that’ll get the job done. Clara would love to have a friend here.”

“Funny, she told me tonight you were her best friend.”

Liv rolls her eyes. “I meant a furry friend. I’m glad she told you that, though. I’ve had the best week with her.”

I sigh before looking ahead of us. I need a moment from looking into her blue eyes. I’m scared that she’ll see the things I don’t want to admit if I stare into them too long.

“She had the best week with you, too. Every night I tuck her in, she asks if you’ll still be here in the morning.”

Liv’s quiet for a moment before she clears her throat. “That’s really sweet.” Her voice sounds heavy with emotion.

I let the silence hang between us for I don’t know how long. I love the sound of her voice, but I also appreciate the silence with her, too. We’ve had a lot of silent moments together here on this front porch swing. They mean more to me than I care to admit.

“Can I tell you something?” I ask, my voice rough. I don’t have the nerve to look at Liv, so I keep my eyes pinned forward.

“You can tell me anything,” she whispers.

“Today was the first time I’d gone to the pumpkin festival since Selena passed. It was always her favorite event of the year. She’d dreamed about taking Clara…but she never got to.” My words trail off. They feel heavy as I remember all the times Selena and I roamed that same pumpkin patch. During our first year of dating, I’d tried to impress her while carving the pumpkin we’d picked out and ended up almost slicing the topof my thumb off. I have so many memories with her there, and the festival was something that broke me to go to with Clara butwithoutSelena. “Clara’s gone with my family the last two years. I haven’t been able to until today.”

“I bet today was hard,” Liv responds. Her voice is soft and comforting, soothing the dull ache in my chest at admitting this was the first time I was brave enough to actually go to the festival.

“I wanted to turn around the whole way there. But then I looked over at you, and you were excited to go, and Clara was so excited to go, too, and suddenly I knew I wanted to as well. No matter how hard it was going to be.”

“I never would’ve pressured you to go if I knew how hard it was. I’m sorry for?—”

“Don’t apologize,” I demand, finally mustering up the courage to look at her. “I didn’t tell you this to make you feel bad. I’m telling you this because I thought today was going to be gray and cloudy. And while it stung, and I know I was an asshole for the majority of the day, you were sunshine on a cloudy day. Even when I probably didn’t deserve it, you were kind and warm. It meant a lot to me.”

“I shouldn’t have left with Reed.”

I sigh as my head falls backward. I can tell myself I didn’t want her going off with Reed because I wanted her company due to the toughness of the day, but I know it wasn’t really that. I was jealous because of my attraction to her. Simple as that. “Don’t say that. You’re free to do what you want, Liv. I just wanted to explain myself a little.”

I can’t admit to her that I was jealous, but it does feel a little freeing to tell her today was my first day back at the festival. It’s always been hard to talk about Selena, and I know it’ll always hurt to talk about her. But for some reason with Liv, I want to talk about Selena more. Maybe it’s because Liv never met her.Or maybe because Liv will be spending so much time with Clara that I want Liv to know about the woman that makes up half of my beautiful daughter.

Or maybe there’s something about Liv that makes me want to open up. To not carry the weight of my hurt alone.

“Hey, Dean?” Her words break me from my thoughts. I love the sound of my name coming from her lips. It’s only now that I realize I haven’t heard her say it a lot, but I want to hear her say it again.

My eyes roam her face. She’s so beautiful with her heart-shaped face and big blue eyes. “Hm?”

Her eyes scan my features cautiously, as if she doesn’t know if she’s allowed to say what she’s about to say. She takes me by surprise by reaching out and placing her hand over mine. “You don’t have to…but if you want to talk about Selena, you can. I know it might be hard to talk about her with people who knew her because their grief tangles with your grief. If you just want to talk about her life without being reminded of her death, I’m here. I’d love to hear about her.”

I swallow past the thickness in my throat. My emotions threaten to spill out at her offer. I welcome the feeling of her hand over mine. Just the small amount of contact soothes something deep inside me.

Selena was incredible. I loved her with every fiber of my being, and I thought she’d be my forever. Liv’s words make me realize that maybe all this time, I’ve been avoiding talking about Selena with anyone because I didn’t want to talk about her death. She was so much more than the tragedy that ended her life far too soon.

But maybe Liv has a point. Maybe I should be talking about her but instead focus on the countless amazing memories. She deserves that.

“You wouldn’t mind?”

Liv smiles, showing off those deep dimples of hers I suddenly have a fascination with. “Not at all. Whenever you’re ready, I’d love to know more about her.”

I stare at her, wondering how of all the small towns she could’ve decided to stop in, we were lucky enough for her to stop in ours. “That’d mean a lot to me,” I manage to get out through the thickness in my throat.

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