Page 1 of Chase Our Forever

PROLOGUE - DEAN

My eyes sting as I clutch my newborn daughter in my arms. Voices echo from all around me, but I can’t make out anything anyone is saying. All I know is Selena is dead. The woman I fell in love with as a teenager is gone—taken far too soon by someone speeding and not paying attention to the road.

My entire body shakes with sobs as I hold our baby to my chest. Clara’s barely two months old. She won’t even remember her mother. She won’t ever have the chance to know the incredible human who gave birth to her.

Selena won’t get to see Clara on her first day of kindergarten. Or kiss her first scraped knee. Or watch her daughter graduate from the high school where we first met. She’s going to miss out on so many things, and it’s a devastating realization I can’t come to terms with.

More words come from my family members who surround me, but I still can’t make out a single thing they’re saying. My mind is elsewhere, thinking of how I’m going to raise our daughter on my own.

Since the moment I met Selena at fourteen, I knew I was in love. I barely remember my life before her. We’d made so manyplans together. Plans that have now been ripped away from us in a cruel twist of fate.

“I’m so sorry,” I mumble, holding Clara to my chest. Her tiny little lips are pursed as she sleeps peacefully. She has no idea her entire world has changed from only a few hours ago when Selena kissed both of us goodbye before driving into the city to go shopping.

Someone places a hand on my back, but I don’t even bother to check who it is. I can’t bring myself to look at anyone but my daughter.

“It should’ve been me,” I whisper. My throat feels raw from my earlier screams when I got the call. Or maybe it’s from the sobs that have ricocheted through me since the moment I found out about the death of my wife. “God, why wasn’t it me?” I croak.

Selena had asked me to go into the city to grab some things we needed for the house we’d just built together. I’d agreed to do it but then realized it might be good for her to get away for a few hours. Clara hasn’t been sleeping well recently, and I just wanted to give my wife some time to herself. “It’s all my fault.” My words come out a jumbled mess with the sob that overtakes my body.

The choking sound of my cries, or the way my entire body trembles, wakes Clara up. She begins to wiggle in my grasp as her tiny eyes open and close.

I watch her, my entire world blurry except for the little girl in my arms. Selena is gone, and I don’t know how I’m going to live without her. But I don’t have a choice. I have to, for our daughter.

I close my eyes for a moment as grief washes over me. I don’t want to face this life without Selena, but that isn’t up to me anymore. From now until my very last breath, I will make sure Clara has the best life. I’ll do everything I can to make sure her life is full of joy. I have to step up and be better. Become the bestfather I can possibly be to make up for the fact that Clara will never know her mother.

Taking a deep breath, I open my eyes and look down at Clara. It feels like my heart has been ripped from my body and discarded somewhere far away, but I have to find a way to keep going. Nothing matters besides my newborn daughter wiggling in my arms.

“I’ll do my best, Selena,” I promise in a whisper, hoping that maybe there is an afterlife where she can hear me.

Tears stream down my face. I’m not okay. I know it’ll be a long time before I’m ever anything close to okay again, but I’ll pretend for the little girl in my arms.

I take a deep breath, trying to stop my body from shaking. The adrenaline from the news is slowly wearing off, leaving nothing but a devastating numbness in its wake.

Maybe this is my mind’s way of protecting me from grief completely overtaking me. It knows I can’t break down. That I can’t give in to the pain ripping me apart.

Clara coos in my arms, her tiny little body squirming. Her head moves back and forth, letting me know she’s hungry. My mind flashes to every time Selena and I laughed over Clara’s disgruntled protests and squirms when she felt like she hadn’t been fed fast enough.

That small moment sends me into a spiral because Clara’s been exclusively breastfed. We only have two bottles in the fridge that Selena left before she went shopping. That’s all there is left. My daughter doesn’t have her mother to feed her, the person who knew how to comfort her perfectly. My wife knew what our daughter needed just by the sounds she made.

But Selena’s gone now.

I take another deep breath, forcing the grief to the furthest depths of my mind. When I’m alone, I can fall back to my knees and mourn the woman I thought I’d spend forever with.

Right now, my daughter needs me—and I need her.

I eventually bring myself to look at my surroundings and my eyes meet my mother’s, who’s standing next to me. Hers are red and swollen; I’m sure mine are the same.

I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. I close my eyes for a moment as I swallow, trying to bring moisture to my mouth so I can form words.

“Formula,” I croak, my voice still coming out rough and gritty. “We need formula.”

My mother nods, her shoulders shaking with an impending sob as if she’s understanding the weight of my words. We need formula because Selena is gone.

And it’s the cruelest fate that now all of us have to find a way to live with.

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LIV - THREE YEARS LATER

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