Page 64 of Rewrite Our Story

I busy myself with filling the pot with water as my cheeks get warm. He answered so suddenly and so sure, something I wasn’t expecting since he’d never mentioned taking me anywhere off this ranch.

“You would?”

“Of course.”

“Then why haven’t you?”

“Because no one knows about us, Goldie. We probably need to tell Pip before we do anything. You ready to do that?”

My mouth snaps shut. It’s been hard keeping this a secret from my best friend. When you have a crush, you want to be able to talk about it with your best friend, and I haven’t been able to do that. When we were getting ice cream tonight, I wanted to tell her I thought I was finally going to lose my virginity. I haven’t been able to tell her all the things I want to because the boy I want to give everything to is her brother.

It’d be easier to tell her if I knew how she’d react. I know everything about her, yet I have no idea how she’d take the news about Cade and me. She might be totally fine with it, or she might feel completely betrayed knowing we’ve kept this secret from her for months.

“That’s what I thought.” Cade sighs, leaning back in the kitchen chair. It groans underneath his weight.

“How do you think she’ll take it?” I carefully set the pot of water on the stove before flipping the burner to its highest setting.

“I think she’ll be hurt we kept this from her.”

That’s what I’m afraid of. The last thing I want to do is go into living together with her upset with me. Our college move-in date is getting closer and closer. The closer it gets, the more hesitant I am to tell Pippa anything.

Why couldn’t I fall in love with someone who wasn’t my best friend’s brother?

“You’re leaving in a few weeks. It’s probably best we don’t tell her—or anyone. We don’t have to go anywhere.” His tone is unreadable. I can’t figure out if he’s upset with me, or if he just doesn’t care about telling anyone.

I nod, not wanting to start a fight. Every time he mentions me leaving, I want to tell him that I’d consider staying if he’d just ask. Or we could figure something else out. I could do this semester in person and then look into virtual classes. I’d do anything if it meant whatever is happening between us didn’t have to expire the day I move away.

I swallow the emotions that are threatening to spill over. I don’t want to ruin our night together talking about this so I have to find a way to keep it together. This is supposed to be one of the best nights of my life, I just have to steer our conversation to something safer.

“I don’t need a public date anyway. I like spending time with you here.”

Cade watches me carefully. Whatever is going through his head, he keeps it to himself. He makes me anxious with his brooding stare as he watches me carefully turn the burner down before the boiling water overflows.

He doesn’t utter a word as I cook the macaroni noodles, and not when I strain the water out and mix the artificial cheese packet with milk and butter.

In fact, he doesn’t say anything until I place a bowl of steaming boxed mac and cheese in front of him. And only to say thank you. I take a seat across from him, suddenly not very hungry thanks to the lingering tension in the air.

I spin the noodles around in my bowl with my spoon, never committing to actually taking a bite. I continue the pattern for a minute or two before Cade clears his throat.

“What are you expecting to happen to us when you leave?”

His words catch me off guard. I’d kind of figured we’d switch the conversation to something inconsequential like the weather or how the trails were today. Not about the future—not about what’s going to happen between us.

I shrug because I don’t really have an answer for that. It seems like all of our lives lead up to this summer, to us finally accepting the fact that there’s a connection between us that’s undeniable. It’s both terrible and perfect timing for us to come together like this after all this time. But there’s still the giantwhat-ifat the end of this.

“We figure it out?” I ask hesitantly.

Cade nods, scooping up a large bite of mac and cheese and taking a bite. He chews slowly, his eyebrows furrowed as he thinks about my answer. “And what does figure it out mean exactly?”

I push my bowl out from in front of me. I’m not hungry. I don’t want to think about what happens when I leave. I want to think about tonight with Cade. It’s too painful, filled with too many unknowns, to think about the future.

“It means that I don’t want to ruin what’s happening between us at this moment with questions about what happens next. Because I don’t know what will happen next. All I know is that I want you.”

Two lines form in between his eyebrows as he stares back at me. He gives no indication on what direction his mind is going in. I don’t even know what his plans are for when I leave. Does he even want to try and keep this up—whatever this is to begin with?

His silence makes me anxious. I pull my lip from my teeth before I worry it so hard it bleeds. I swallow all the anxious nerves bubbling up in my throat to get out my next question. “Do you want me?”

A loud growl rips from Cade’s throat. He stands up so quickly that the chair hits the wall behind him with a thud. My mouth opens at the shock from the noise before he’s dropping to his knees in front of me, pulling me against his chest.

---