I guess I don't get the luxury of avoiding Mare for long, because she’s standing a few feet away from me, her focus pinned on Dolly.
I’m thinking about backing up and retreating out of the stable to leave her to it. At least with that option, I’d be able to avoid her a little longer. I’m still pissed about last night. I feel like a fool. It was hard to completely lay everything out for her, admitting to her that I want her so fucking bad, and I got nothing in return.
I’d laid in bed last night thinking maybe she’d see that picture of her in my hat and she’d come see me. I was dumb as fuck to think she’d crawl into my bed, and I’d wake up to her warm body next to mine again.
I was so fucking wrong. She didn’t come see me.
She either didn’t bother to notice the photo or just didn’t give a fuck about it. I’m not sure which one of those choices I’d prefer.
Mare’s attention is fully on Dolly, allowing me a few moments to figure out what I want to do. The horse happily nuzzles into Mare’s palm. Mare laughs, looking at Dolly lovingly.
I can’t walk away, even when I know I should. Even when I’m still upset with her and with how things are between us.
“Took you long enough to pay her a visit.” My words catch Mare off guard. She jumps, her back straightening and going tight with the realization she isn’t alone.
Dolly lets out a loud sigh, as if she’s agreeing with my words. The horse was Mare’s world before she left us. I can sympathize with how it feels to suddenly be dropped by Mare.
“How do you know I haven’t already come to visit her?”
I stop a few feet away from her. “Have you?”
Rolling her eyes, she looks back at Dolly. Mare runs her hand down her neck, scratching behind the horse’s ears. “No. I haven’t.”
I silently watch her and the horse get reacquainted with one another. Every now and then Dolly whinnies in excitement to have her favorite person back. Dolly isn’t very picky about who she loves, but it was clear the horse always had a favorite—Mare.
“Looks like she missed you,” I note, watching Mare press her forehead into Dolly’s mane.
I missed you, I fight saying.
“Yeah. I should’ve visited,” Mare mutters under her breath. I don’t know if she means since she returned for the funeral, or if she just means in general.
I bite my tongue. It’s no use trying to tell her she should’ve absolutely been back sooner. Been there, done that.
“She still have a mind of her own on the trails?” Mare changes the subject, avoiding eye contact.
I want her to look at me. I want to finish our conversation from last night now that we’re both thinking with clear heads.
Mostly, I want to know what I can do to ease the tension between us.
Or maybe I need to accept the fact that nothing will ever be the same between us.
I give her a few moments to see if she’ll look at me. When she doesn’t, I sigh, knowing I’ll answer her anyway. “A huge mind of her own. The guests don’t ever get her. Even though most try to pick her.”
Mare lovingly scratches at Dolly’s neck. “Because she’s such a pretty girl."
“She’s pretty until she takes you into a tree of fucking grasshoppers.”
Finally, she looks at me. It hurts more than I thought it would. “She did that? To you?”
I fix the hat on my head. “She sure as hell did. I went to bed for weeks having nightmares of grasshoppers all over me.”
Mare looks back to the horse. “What a good girl you are, Dolly.”
My eyebrows narrow. Sothat’show it’s going to be.
Mare looks over her shoulder, pointing to my head. “Nice hat,” she says, her tone unreadable.
I cock my head to the side, wondering where she’s going with this. At least she’s not running. “My typical one hasn’t been returned to me.”