Page 63 of The Road to Finding Us

“Call you what?”

“Don’t call me any of those stupid pet names you probably call all your flings.”

There’s a pained expression on his face when he looks at me. “Lily, please stop bringing up other girls.”

I shake my head, letting the tears fall freely at this point. He’s already seen one tear, why not let him see them all? “It’s hard when all you’ve ever done is parade them around in front of me.”

His jaw works back and forth. “That was before I knew any of this would ever happen.”

“It doesn’t change the fact that it happened. Now, I can’t look at you and not compare myself to the many girls who’ve slept in those same sheets. Not after the things you’ve said this morning. Not after I gave you something special, and you threw it in my face.” With a shaky breath, I look him in the eye. “I feel sick to my stomach. I need to go.”

I pick my discarded clothes up from the floor and see myself out, rushing out of there as fast as my feet will take me.

I thank the universe that neither Maverick nor Veronica are upstairs to see the shitshow that’s happening right now.

“Lily, stop for one damn second,” Aspen barks from behind me, hot on my heels.

Ignoring him, I throw open the front door and begin the trek down the driveway. I parked my car a decent distance down the road last night, in an attempt to hide it from Mav and Veronica. I regret making that choice right now, considering this walk of shame is ten times more shameful than it should’ve been.

Aspen is still trailing behind me, though I’m not sure why. “God damn it. Stop, Lily!” Aspen raises his voice, causing me to finally stop in the driveway.

My lip trembles as I turn to face him. “What else do you want from me, Aspen?” I yell. My hands shake as they clutch my belongings to my chest.

“You didn’t give me time to even think about what you said. I just wanted the truth,” he offers.

I laugh helplessly, shifting my weight. “No strings attached, right? Isn’t that your thing? Well, congratulations, Aspen Bellevue. There are no freaking strings left. I’m cutting every single one that tied me to you. So, instead of viewing me as your best friend’s little sister, you can think of me now as just another one of the nameless girls who’s graced your bed. Go find somebody else’s heart to break.”

He says something, but I can’t hear it over the ragged breaths I take. I’m two seconds away from sobbing, and I refuse to show him any more of my tears. I can’t let him know that I’m already so far gone for him.

I can’t let him in on the secret that I’d lied to myself when I said I’d be okay with only having him for a night.

I wanted him forever.

I leave him standing with his jaw hanging open while I escape to my car, throwing all my clothes in the back when I reach it. After I slam the door, I climb into the front seat then slam that door too. I start the car and peel out, finally pulling away from the situation once and for all.

I don’t bother to look in the rearview mirror to get one last look at Aspen.

The next time I see him, my broken heart will be pieced back together and harder than ever.

He won’t ever be let back in.

31

Lily

Present

Who knew you could realize you loved and hated someone all in one day? I did. Aspen taught me that—when I was twenty-two, fresh after losing my virginity and having my heart broken all within twenty-four hours. He played a hand in both.

Now, he dismissively walks in front of me, completely ignoring my persistent demands to stop. Finally, I give up hope of him stopping, but I continue with the conversation I’ve needed to have with him for years. “You know what? I think this is the perfect time to have a nice little chat,” I shout over the rain, stomping right behind him.

My hair keeps sticking to my face, but I repeatedly push it back and out of my way. “What’s your problem? I’ve been trying to let go of what happened in the past, but I think it’s time we talk about it—right now. Why are you so hot and cold with me all the time? One second you’re a total asshat, and the next you’re actually not so bad. I’m getting fucking dizzy from your rollercoaster of emotions.”

He shakes his head, his steps pausing briefly when he looks over at me. I can barely see his eyes because of his hood. “Can we not bring this up? It was years ago. Let’s just get over it and stop talking about it.” He shoots me a glare before continuing his trek.

My wet shoes slip in the mud we walk over, but it doesn’t give me pause. “Stop bringing it up? Aspen, your back and forth personality is what ruined us. Sorry our relationship was that dismissible to you. But newsflash, to me, it was important. You hurt me! So, sorry if I’m not over it.” My voice becomes high-pitched at the end, and I know he doesn’t miss how angry I am.

I’m absolutely drenched as I follow him, but at the moment, I hardly notice. Too many pent up feelings are creeping to my surface. For once, I’m ready to air out all our dirty laundry.

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