Page 52 of The Road to Finding Us

I don’t think either of them truly have been, for a long time.

“I just never thought you’d actually do it,” I answer honestly, tracing the ruffle of my comforter with my finger.

The sounds of pots and pans clanking from the kitchen fills the silence between us. I expect Selma to cry or seem emotional when explaining why she’s ending a relationship she’s been in forever, but she lies in front of me, almost emotionless.

“I think Maverick might have feelings for Veronica,” Selma whispers, looking at me with watery eyes, finally showing a hint of emotion.

“Selm…” My hand drifts across the blanket until I take hers in mine. “Maverick would never cheat on you. You know that.”

Selma nods, her braids bouncing off her shoulder with the movement. “Ugh.” She takes a shaky breath, adding, “I know he wouldn’t. And I think it actually makes it worse. Your brother would probably stay with me forever because he feels like it’s his duty to do so. Even if another girl has come in and gotten a good grasp on his heart.”

I reach out and wipe away the lone tear sliding down her porcelain cheek, her brave demeanor finally slipping.

I think of Maverick and Veronica. I don’t think either is aware of the chemistry brewing between the two of them. I can’t sit here and lie to Selma, pretending I don’t see what she’s noticed. Not that I think either Mav or Veronica would act on the chemistry, but I see what Selma saw, too. For some reason, there’s a tether between Maverick and Veronica I don’t think any of us can begin to describe—including them.

“You don’t know what’s in his head,” I offer, holding her hand even tighter.

“I’m not in love with him,” she blurts, taking a pillow and covering her face after the words leave her mouth.

All I can do is nod, trying to process her words fully.

“Don’t get me wrong. I love Maverick, so much. But…I’m not in love with him. At all. It’s taken me a long time to realize it, but I don’t think either of us are in love. We love each other, no doubt, but not with the intensity either of us deserve. If I don’t end it, we’ll stay together forever. I know Maverick won’t end it, and we both deserve a love that’s whole. That’s more than this watered-down relationship we have going on.” Selma finally sits up while speaking, her hand never letting go of mine.

“It takes a lot of bravery to end a relationship you’ve been in for so long. I’m proud of you. I know it couldn’t have been an easy decision.” There’s conviction in my voice.

More tears stream down her face. She uses the hand that isn’t holding mine to try to wipe them away, but they continue to fall, her lip quivering as she exhales a shaky breath.

I close the distance between us and wrap her in a hug.

“You smell like a liquor store,” she mumbles against my neck.

“Oh, stop it. I’m trying to be supportive right here.”

“I’m scared it’ll break him, Lil.”

I stroke the back of her head, though at the same time, I’m nervous to find out how Maverick will handle the breakup. I think he’s been too obsessed with the idea of his and Selma’s relationship to see how lackluster it’s gotten. To him, they’re supposed to be together forever. I worry he won’t see that they both deserve something better, something real. And his version of real might hit a lot closer to home than he expects.

“He’ll be okay in the end,” I whisper. “You both will.”

Her body shakes with a deep sob and I squeeze her tighter, trying to find the words that will ease not only her heart, but also his. “He’ll be upset at first, but I think once he’s faced with the reality of where things have taken you both, he’ll understand. Maverick has always looked at things in black and white, but once the pain has settled a bit, I think he’ll be able to see the gray area better,” I tell her.

“I just want the all-consuming love. I don’t want to be a responsibility to a man. I don’t want to hold them back. I want our love to make us better as individuals and propel both of us together. That’s not what Maverick and I have. We both need to move on.” She tucks her face deeper into the crook of my neck, her sorrow beginning to soak through the collar of my T-shirt.

I ignore the warm, wet spot developing by my neck, squeezing Selma as hard as I can. My heart aches for her. It aches for my brother. It turns out, you can take two of the best people in the universe (in my humble opinion), make them boyfriend and girlfriend, and still not get that perfect soul-searching happy-ending kind of love.

After a while, Selma takes a deep breath. She pulls back, looking at me with a splotchy face.

I grab both sides of her face, ignoring the wetness underneath my palms. “One day, Selma, you’re going to drive a man completely wild in the best way possible. You won’t be his responsibility. You’ll be his everything. He’ll be consumed by you. And it’ll be the kind of all-consuming love that’s healthy and right. If you leave Mav, I don’t want you settling for anything else. I love you, but if you’re going to break my twin brother’s heart, I need your next love to be worth it. Got it?”

I hold my pinky in front of her face, moving it around until she wraps hers around mine. This is something Maverick and I have done since we were kids, the gesture eventually involving Selma once she’d joined our duo and made it a trio.

Selma and I both bite down on our thumbs, sealing our pinky promise before our hands drop to our laps.

“Lily?” Selma asks, looking at me intently.

“Yeah?”

“You don’t settle for anything else either, okay? You need someone to combat that sassy personality we all love. Not someone who will try to dampen it. You deserve a man you’re absolutely head over heels for.”

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