Page 30 of The Road to Finding Us

“You still in?” Lily asks, straightening the backpack on her shoulder.

“I’m in if you’re in,” I tell her, searching her face for any discomfort. This has suddenly turned into a bad idea. A very bad idea. I shouldn’t be alone with Lily, especially alone and drinking with her. A man only has so much willpower.

Her blue eyes dart around the dark forest. She takes her sweet ass time to decide, but finally she gives me a hesitant nod, then starts to walk in the direction of the lake.

I stare at her back as I follow her, my mind racing with how the fuck I’m going to handle the possibilities of what could happen. My blood starts to pump quicker as I stare at the way the muscles in her legs move. She has a pathetic excuse for a pair of shorts on, showing so much skin that it’s all I can focus on right now.

I didn’t used to stare at her longingly. I’ve always wanted her, sure. But I knew I couldn’t have her—in any way. That was always clear to me, kept me turning me away from her. But after she started dating Blaine last year, the less I cared about bro code. Lucky for me (maybe), Blaine had to move back home unexpectedly almost a year into their relationship. I thought it would leave Lily distraught but she handled it well, claiming everything was okay and she was fine.

Even when she was with him, I wanted her so fucking bad she was all I thought about, but now that I know she isn’t his—I need her, and she’s a need I can’t fucking have. It makes zero sense why I can’t move on from this pathetic crush I have on her.

Time and time again, I try to lose myself in other women. And I always do it in front of her, hoping she’ll be the stronger one between the two of us.

If I can make her hate me enough, maybe she won’t want me. And if she doesn’t want me, maybe I’ll start to want her a little less.

Maybe.

Being alone with her in the middle of the night with a few bottles of alcohol probably isn’t the best way to carry out this plan. But I’ll be damned if I deny this moment. It turns out I’m a glutton for punishment.

“Here,” Lily whispers, even though she could probably shout right now and no one would be in earshot to hear it.

The two of us stop in front of the tall fence that blocks the park in. Currently, we’re on the outskirts of the park, standing on a farmer’s property right next to the city land. All we have to do is climb this fence, walk a little farther, and we’ll be met with the lake all to ourselves.

Lily’s hands rest on her hips. “How the hell do we get up that?” Her neck cranes as she looks all the way up the towering fence.

I do the same, thinking of a plan of action. “It does look taller in person.”

“Whose bright idea was it to do this?”

I playfully bump my shoulder against hers. “Uh, this was definitely your plan, Lily Bear.”

Her white teeth shine in the moonlight with her smile. “I know, and we aren’t backing out now. Let’s climb!” She carefully sticks her foot in the fence, reaching up as high as she can.

I stand behind her, waiting to catch her if she falls backward. Impressively, she manages to maneuver her way up the chain-link fence pretty smoothly. I’m awarded the perfect view of how her strong muscles work as she climbs higher and higher. There’s no doubt when you look at her that she’s an athlete. Every inch of her body screams that she puts hard, dedicated work into it. The backpack on her back bounces up and down as she climbs, higher and higher.

Finally, she reaches the top, where she swings a leg over to the other side. She now straddles each side of the fence. I watch her look down, and even from my vantage point, I see her eyes widen. “Yeah um, how do I get down the other side?” Lily asks, bringing her gaze to mine.

“You’re going to have to climb down.” I put my own foot in the fence and begin to make my way up, but I’m barely a few feet off the ground when the fence starts to groan.

“Get your fat ass off this, Aspen! You’re going to make it fall!” There’s panic in her voice as she holds onto the top of the fence for dear life.

My feet hit the dirt when I jump back down and lean my head to look up at her. “Okay, I’ll wait until you’re down. But you’re going to have to find a way to get down.”

“Why couldn’t you have been a gentleman and gone first? At least then you could have tried to catch me before I fell to my doom.” She cautiously swings the leg over that was on my side of the fence.

“I was trying to be a gentleman and make sure that if you fell backward, I’d be there to catch you.”

“Aspen, I don’t know if I’d even trust you to catch me in a trust-fall exercise.” I watch through the spaces in the chain-link as she turns her body around and slowly starts to descend. A large gust of wind comes through, causing her to shriek and flatten her body against the fence.

“I’m going to just ignore everything you just said,” I chide, cautiously watching her get closer and closer to the ground.

Finally, her feet make a sound as she reaches the ground. She gives me a beaming smile, letting out a long burst of air she’d probably been holding for a while.

“Your turn.” The smile on her face is still wide, and she raises those dark eyebrows in competition.

Challenge accepted.

I make sure my own backpack full of alcohol is centered on my back before taking a few steps away from the fence. My feet get a running start before I’m leaping into the air. I twist my fingertips into the fence as soon as I come in contact with it, making sure to weave them in tightly. My body shifts to the right slightly, my legs dangling in the air before I can get them planted into the gaps of the fence.

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