Page 51 of The Road to Finding Us

I know for a fact that I had the curtains wide open before I left for Lenny’s last night. I hesitantly wonder if I was smart enough to close them myself last night. Judging by the massive hangover I’m currently nursing, my bet is it wasn’t me.

Then it all comes rushing back to me.

Well…fragments of the night, at least.

I showed up at Lenny’s with some of my girlfriends, ready to have a good night. Veronica had helped dress me for the night, turning down the invitation to join us. She’s been even moodier than normal recently. My guess is it has something to do with my brother, but I haven’t attempted to broach that subject with him yet.

Last night when I walked into Lenny’s, my steps had faltered when I saw Aspen sitting in a corner booth with a group of his friends. I told my friend it was because of the heels, but it was the sight of Aspen casually hanging out with his friends. My eyes had found him instantly in the crowded bar, and I couldn’t hide my disappoint that the same thing didn’t seem to happen to him. I could find him in any crowded room, somehow always aware of where he was.

I should be used to the fact that I had feelings for Aspen and he didn’t have them for me. Our intimate encounter last year didn’t faze him one bit. I was just another one of his casual hookups. I knew before we kissed that it wouldn’t mean anything to him. That didn’t stop me from wanting to be wrong. That didn’t stop me from hoping I’d be the girl to change him.

It’s comical—the female brain. Why do we feel like we could be the woman to change a grown ass man? Only the man himself has control of changing his ways. It’s silly of us to think we can be the reason another person changes their way of life.

My friends and I had sidled up to the bar last night. We hadn’t been there fifteen minutes before I was already two shots in. The cute bartender had latched onto me from the very beginning. He was a nice distraction from the uninterested gaze across the bar. Every now and then I swore I could feel Aspen’s eyes on my exposed back, but I think it was my mind—or the shots—playing tricks on me.

Some of the night is hazy. But other parts come flooding through.

I have the distinct memory of being thrown over Aspen’s shoulder. The mental picture of the dirty floor comes to mind, it moving back and forth as Aspen not-so-gently carried me to my car like I was a sack of potatoes and not a grown woman.

I remember a conversation with Aspen in the car—the serious look on his face burned into my mind. He said something, that I recall sending a warm feeling through my body. It’s weird, I can still feel the tingles that shot through my body. I picture the emerald color of Aspen’s eyes as he stared at me intensely. I can even feel the soft touch of his arm as he buckled me into my seat.

But for the life of me, I can’t remember his words. I only remember my body’s reaction to whatever he said.

The car ride home is a complete blur to me. The more I think about it, I might have actually fallen asleep. There are bits and pieces of Aspen putting me to bed. I remember him cussing as he tried to untie the bodysuit I stole from Veronica. His warm fingers had brushed over my bare skin multiple times; my drunk mind didn’t forget that. The two of us had fumbled around as he took it off. I look down at what I slept in, finding that somehow we’d figured it out, because I’m clothed in an old baggy T-shirt and a pair of sleep shorts.

I have a faint memory of a soft brush of lips against my temple. My fingers raise to touch the spot I swore his lips pressed against last night. I can’t figure out if it was a dream or reality.

I’m still trying to test my memory when my door slowly opens, Selma’s head popping in. She has her hair braided in two short braids on each side of her head. Quietly, she slips through the door, shutting it softly behind her once she’s in the room. “Good morning, sunshine,” she whispers, closing the distance to my bed and climbing in.

Without words, I pull the comforter back for her to make room. Then I groan, spinning in the bed to face her.

“Have fun last night?” She gives me a knowing glance, adjusting the pillow until she’s comfortable.

We lie face-to-face, both of us in the bed, my pink comforter pulled up to our shoulders.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” With that, I grunt, trying to rid myself of the memories. “How did you even get in?”

Selma inspects the end of her braid, still smiling. “Aspen let us in.”

My eyes almost bug out of my head. “Aspen’s here? Us?!”

“Us as in me and Maverick. Aspen called this morning to see if we could pick him up. It was pretty hilarious hearing him explain to Maverick why exactly he was at your place. And Aspen was here. The two of them just left. They both have classes to get to. I said you’d give me a ride later, that we needed to chat.”

I pull the pillow over my face once again, trying not to imagine Maverick freaking out when he found out his best friend had stayed over at my place. “Selma, nothing happened between me and Aspen last night.” Hopefully she catches the pleading tone in my voice, I’m desperate for her to know nothing happened between us. Well, last night, at least.

Selma pulls the pillow from my face, waiting to speak until I look at her again. “I know. I don’t think Aspen would’ve called Mav if something had.”

“Then why do we need to chat?”

She looks down at her feet. “I’m going to break up with Maverick.”

I shoot up in the bed, uncovering her in the process. My body moves too quickly though, because the room gets dizzy for a moment. I blink repeatedly until I regain my equilibrium. I look down to find Selma in the same position, sans the blanket on top of her. “I’m sorry, repeat?”

Selma sighs, looking down at the braid in her hand once again. “I need to end things with your brother. Don’t act like this is shocking to you. You’ve told me multiple times that he and I don’t work anymore. If we ever really worked at all.” The last sentence is said as an afterthought, but still I hear it.

She’s right. I had to have a hard talk with her prior to this, during which, I’d told her I thought she and Maverick were both pretending to be happily in love. I was blunt when I’d told her I thought they were comfortable with each other, but not in love. It was a hard position to be in. We’re talking about my brother and my best friend.

But I wanted both of them to be happy. I still do.

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