Page 75 of The Consequence of Loving Me

How is she not blaming me?

It was my fault.

For a few long moments, I refuse to believe she doesn’t hold me accountable. But the sincerity in her expression changes my mind.

And I realize she’s right; if Connor or I had been paying any attention, we would have known a rip current was likely.

We were near the sandbar.

The waves were big.

The ocean was basically screaming at us to stay away.

But we both got in the water—both of us.

“Connor wouldn’t want you to blame yourself,” Maria says. “And we don’t want that either. Forgive yourself, Veronica. Please, forgive yourself and live your life the way Connor would have wanted you to. While we don’t blame you for what happened to him, I will blame you for wasting your life in an abyss of guilt even after I’ve told you how we feel. How we don’t blame you at all.”

Snot falls from my nose as I continue to sob. I’ve needed to hear these words from Maria’s lips for years. I take a deep breath in and, for the first time since I lost Connor, I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

Maria comes around the table and pulls me in for a hug. I rest my face in the crook of her neck as we both continue to sob.

It’s a moment I will never forget.

A moment of healing. Of moving on. Of going forward.

Finally, we both gain our composure enough to speak.

Maria smiles at me from a splotchy red face. “Would you like to know more about all that we’ve been able to do with Connor’s Ocean?”

I smile at her. A genuine smile. One I feel in every part of my body—even my heart. And my head nods.

41

Veronica

We spend two hours going through all the things the Liams have been able to do in Connor’s name, and it’s amazing. I’m in awe, staring in wonder as she shows me everything they’ve accomplished in the two years Connor’s Ocean has been running.

I ask her a million questions, some she answers and some Kenneth answers after he joins us. They’ve done so many wonderful things in Connor’s name and it makes my heart so happy. I wish I could've been part of everything they’ve done so far, but I take comfort in knowing I’ll be part of what they do next.

And she’s right when she again reminds me that I needed time to heal. I did need it, but already, I feel like my gaping wound of guilt has started to slowly close.

It feels like healing.

We’re flipping through a file folder that holds all the plans for the recent charity function they just hosted. It took six whole months for them to plan it. Kenneth shows me the final total of the money they raised and I almost fall out of my chair. They raised over two-hundred thousand dollars. My jaw is hanging open as Maria continues to flip through the folder, continuing on about their future plans for Connor’s Ocean.

An envelope falls out and Maria lets out a soft gasp as it lands on the floor in front of my feet. She quickly bends down to pick it up and says, “This is something you may want to read.” Her finger traces over the seam of the envelope before she hands it over to me. “Kenneth and I are going to go check on the boys.” Maria looks at Kenneth, giving him a look that makes it obvious she expects him to follow her upstairs.

I curiously watch them go, wondering what’s inside the letter. Obviously, it’s something personal enough that they want me to read it alone. I tuck my finger in the seam of the envelope, flipping the top part of it open.

Inside of it sits a handwritten letter.

I unfold the piece of paper, my eyes instantly trained on Maverick’s name on the bottom.

Whatever this is, it’s from Maverick.

My eyes scan over his written words.

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