Page 65 of The Consequence of Loving Me

She rolls her eyes, downing the rest of her beer, then slaps it down on the table. “Aspen and I had sex.”

My eyebrows shoot up, and I lean across the table, anxious to hear more.

“And let’s just say…it was my first time getting, you know, busy with somebody else. It freaked him out. We yelled at each other. Now I hate him.” Her eyes focus on where he’s playing a game of pool with Maverick.

Aspen seems to be telling some kind of story, because he animatedly spins his hands around as Maverick nods his head every now and then.

Maverick must sense my gaze, because he looks my way and winks—fucking winks—and it does something to my stomach that makes me feel like a young schoolgirl instead of a grown ass adult.

“I think my stupid, useless, pathetic heart fell in love with him,” Lily says.

My eyes rapidly find her. Color me shocked by her admission. I want to check my ears to make sure I heard her correctly. “Are we talking about the same person? Aspen, Aspen?” I point at him, and at that exact moment, he mimics humping something against the pool table.

Lily shrieks, reaching across the table and slapping my hand. “Oh my god, Veronica! You can’t just point at him.” She shrinks down in the booth, pulling her jacket collar up to hide behind. It’s a bit over dramatic considering Aspen hasn’t even looked our way since we started the conversation, but I decide not to tell her that.

“Sorry,” I mumble. “But are we seriously talking about the same human being? You’re in love with Aspen?”

“Yes!” She groans and then, “Don’t make me feel worse about it than I already do, Veronica. He’s gross. Incredibly ugly. No sense of humor at all. My heart will come to its senses soon, I’m sure.” Lily sits up and throws her hair over her shoulder. “Anywhooo…tell me about you and my brother. Because I’m not too dumb to notice the way you two have been staring at each other like two love-sick puppies.”

It’s my turn to gasp, anxiously looking at Maverick to make sure he didn’t overhear what Lily just said. He’s all the way across the bar, but I still need the reassurance. I don’t need him getting any ideas about us.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I take a drink of my beer. It’s lukewarm at this point, but it sends alcohol through my bloodstream, which is all I need. My face grimaces at the bitter aftertaste.

“Look, I’ve known Maverick my whole life,” she says.

“Obviously. You’re twins.”

“Could you not interrupt me? Thanks. Back to what I was saying.” She leans forward, propping her elbows on the table. “Since Maverick and I are twins, I’ve seen him with other girls—well, mostly just Selma. Don’t get me wrong, Maverick loved Selma, he always will. But I told her for the past year that they didn’t belong together as a couple. The way he is around you is different, Veronica. It’s different. And the verdict is still out if that different is good or bad because I know you’re fucked up and have your own shit you’re dealing with. But he’s different with you. It’s obvious the two of you have hooked up.”

I stare at her, my mind turning over her words.

She doesn’t allow me to stew in silence though, because she begins to talk again. “Which reminds me, I need to have the obligatory talk with you, that if you break my brother’s heart, I will have to do something to make your pretty face not so pretty anymore. And I can throw a punch just as well as I can refuse to fall in love with my brother’s best friend. So, let’s not get to that point. Got it?”

“Trust me, I have no intentions on having Maverick’s heart enough to break it.” I look over at him and find his eyes on me. It sends shivers down my body. Part of me wants to ditch our friends and go back to our place so I can feel his eyes on me in private.

Lily hums, her eyes looking at Maverick and Aspen as well. “I don’t think that’s going to be an option if you keep going down the road you’re on, so you need to make a decision. Allow someone to care for you again or leave. Because the way Maverick is looking at you right now is not a look that says the two of you can stay fuck buddies without feelings getting involved.”

Lenny drops two more beers off at our table, which I gladly take. When I look at her again, I tell her, “Maverick knows where I stand on relationships and feelings and all that bullshit.”

“He might know, but he might think he can change your mind.”

“I don’t know what to do, Lily. Things are different with him. I feel less shitty when he’s around. The way he looks at me makes me feel like maybe I’m not as horrible of a human being as I thought. Because a person like me has to have some kind of redeeming quality about them to deserve to be looked at like that. But I’ve been there before—you know that—and the last time I felt anything close to this, it ended in me losing the one person who made me feel that way. I can’t go through that again.” I stare at the dull colors of the beer label. My long, manicured nail picks at the peeling label.

I think back to the time I drunkenly told Lily about my past. It was right after I came clean to Maverick. It just kind of slipped out to her. Something about the Morrison twins makes me spill out like paint on a white canvas. When she didn’t judge me, even after I’d told her about my mistakes, it made me finally view her as a friend—probably the best friend I have.

Lily snaps her fingers, gaining my attention once again. “You are going to listen to me, Veronica, and you are going to listen carefully. You fucked up. We all have. You went through a traumatic experience. It’s obviously something you’re going to have to cope with for the rest of your life, but it wasn’t all your fault. And you have to stop using Connor’s death as an excuse to avoid being vulnerable again.”

“I’m not using his death as an excuse.”

“Oh, please. That’s exactly what you’re doing. You’re so scared to lose someone again that you hide behind this façade that you’re trying to protect others from you when in reality you are the one that needs to be protected.”

I scoff. “Shut up, Lily. You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You’re right. I know nothing.” The look she gives me from across the table dares me to continue to argue with her.

“There’s a consequence for loving me. You wouldn’t understand,” I tell her.

“The only consequence of loving you is that you’re too damn scared of being loved.”

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