Page 58 of The Consequence of Loving Me

His question stuns me and makes me want to weep at the same time. Here is this man, in the midst of his own mess, and somehow, he still cares about mine.

I don’t know how I found him. How fate had this hilarious way of punishing me by putting someone so perfectly imperfect in front of me and expecting me to stay away.

But I’m about to raise my white flag—to stop pushing him away and have him for myself.

29

Maverick

We stand in front of her bedroom door, the both of us utterly silent after our trip to my grandfather’s property.

I want her to invite me inside.

I need her to ask me to stay with her tonight.

For her to admit that she feels something for me, too.

I wait for her to tell me that the hours by the lake discussing Connor and so many other things meant something to her. I just need some kind of reassurance that this isn’t all in my head. But more than that, I need reassurance that she’ll allow whatever’s developing between us to happen—or attempt to happen. Judging by the way she acted today, it seemed like she might be doing just that.

Veronica had allowed me to hold her as we sat in the field.

We watched the sun set behind the lake with our bodies intertwined.

We didn’t kiss, but our bodies said more to each other than our lips ever could.

In the soft brush of our hands. When she absentmindedly traced the muscles of my forearms. When she let out the quietest gasp when my fingers rested on the bare skin of her leg. So many touches that felt like…something more.

“Thank you for coming with me today,” I finally say, breaking the awkward silence between us.

She looks up at me, giving me a smile—and for some reason, it seems sad. “You kind of kidnapped me.”

“You kind of let me.”

Her lips pull up even more. “True.” She folds her arms over her chest, leaning back to rest against the wall next to her door.

Aspen’s footsteps echo above us as he moves around his room. We both look to the ceiling before looking back at each other.

“Tonight…” I start, rubbing my hands against my pants. “Tonight, can you just allow yourself to look at me the way you want to? Can we just explore this thing that’s happening between us, for at least tonight?” My hand gestures between the two of us before I continue on, too chickenshit to look at her. “We don’t need to decide if we want to date, or put any label on it. But for the last few hours, all I could think about was your body against mine. And by the way you reacted to my touch, I think you were thinking the same thing.”

I step closer to her, pleading with her with my eyes for her to agree. “Just one night. Can we allow ourselves one night?”

I’m desperate. My heart beats so fast in my chest as I wait for her answer.

And then it plummets.

Because I know the look in her eyes as she looks back up at me, and it’s not one that holds the answer I want. The walls she had slowly started to let down raise back up in an instant.

“Maverick, you need to go back to Selma,” she states.

What the actual fuck?

The look on my face must give me away because she continues to try and fill in the blanks. I feel the muscle in my jaw tighten. My jaw clenches, trying not to spew everything going through my head right now.

She lifts her chin in a defiant way, so defiant I can almost hear her walls click back into place. The same unreachable height around her heart they were when we first met.

“I’m not the girl you want,” Veronica says. “Selma was good for you. You want me because I’m a challenge. It’ll wear off, I promise. Go back to her. You were meant for each other.”

I laugh—a bitter, self-deprecating laugh—because oh my god, she hasn’t listened to anything I’ve said.

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