Page 86 of Prince of Ruin

I’ve barely eaten anything all week. How could I, when I know the love of my life is going to die soon? If he’s not already dead…. The thought is a punch to my gut, and I hunch forward on the bed, squeezing my middle.

I was a gods-damned fool to leave him behind with no way to get back to him.

The ground trembles beneath my feet. The tremors have become more frequent, and considering we’re a seven-day’s journey from the volcano, that’s really saying something. I’ve received hundreds of letters—requests and pleas—from the people of the city, begging me to make an appearance and report the reasons behind the volcano’s sudden uptick of activity.

What am I supposed to tell them? That the love of my life will throw himself in to save us, but I’m not sure when? To look uncertain would only cause more fear in the city. So I stay back, telling Ulna to have the guards assure everyone that we are safe, that the volcano is only going through a natural stage and it will be over soon.

And I sit in my room until the days run together, trying to think of what I could have done to make Clavicle more agreeable, to make him want to stay, to make him want to fight for the Five Empires. Because I’m starting to think Clavicle really didn’t remember anything. Or, what he did remember, was just nightmares, like he told me. Why else would he choose to return to the human realms without his powers?

Maybe this was all too much for him. MaybeIwas too much for him. I shouldn’t have locked him up. I shouldn’t have fucked him. I shouldn’t have been so hard on him, and I should have fucking listened to him.Believedhim.

The way Aden believed him.

How did I not see it sooner? Gods, I had Weaver chase him. My entire court was chanting and laughing and drinking when he thought he was racing for his life. Fury washes over me, followed quickly by shame deep enough to drown me, made worse only when I realize: I’m the monster here.

Aden pointed it out just before I walked out on him. The fact that I was willing to risk all Five Empires to save him…it’s exactly what Clav was doing to keep me safe—keep us safe—from Elderberry, though my sacrifice would have been at a much larger scale.

I would have literally let the world burn for Aden.

I dig my fingers into my hair until I wince at my nails biting into my scalp. I’ve always prided myself on my ability to do the right thing. I had morals. I had a clear conscience. I trusted in my own strength and the timing of the universe for the good of all things to come together.

I wasgood.

I only wanted to protect Aden, but now I see myself as he must see me. How everyone in the Cadre saw me in that moment that I ordered Aden to follow me: a controlling, selfish bastard. I didn’t trust him enough to make his own decisions. I always hated Wolfsbane for the way they looked down on humans, but now I see that I’m the insubordinate one. I’m the one who had two humans who loved me…and completely abused that love.

A cool wind sweeps through the window, bringing a chill with it. The same chill that’s hung across the continent since Mother Terra demanded we toss Aden into her fiery depths three weeks ago. It’s a prelude of what’s to come if Aden doesn’t let her havehim. Maybe I’ve been selfish, wanting to keep him by my side while the world burns. Maybe I haven’t been thinking of the good of all fae-kind when I refused to let him go.

The sound of wind and storms brings my attention up to Ash’s portal expanding across the room. My breath catches in my lungs, and I stumble to my feet, rush across the room just in time to throw my arms around Aden the moment he steps through. A fresh wave of grief washes over me and new tears stream down my face as I hug him fiercely. I don’t know if he’s back for good or if he just came by to say goodbye, but I need him to hear two words before anything else happens.

“I’m sorry.”

I pull away and search the field of his green eyes, study this beautiful human before me as the apology tumbles out of my mouth. “I’m so sorry, Aden. I should have never ordered you to leave with me, or to leave the room Clavicle was in, or to…not fight in the battle with the bats. All of it. Every time I thought I was protecting you, I was only hurting you, and I am so fucking sorry.”

He stares at me a beat, his throat convulsing in a swallow, and braces my arms. “When you first found me, I was living out of my car and working at a coffee shop, because my parents had kicked me out of my house for being a boy. I was weak and scared whenyou found me, but you also helped me find my courage, my people, myself. You were always there for me, Tarsus. How can I fault you for wanting to be there when it mattered most?”

I shake my head, my hands trembling. “The best way I could ever be there for you, would be to trust you to make your own decisions, and support you to the end.”

The portal closes behind him, no Ash in sight. Which means she must be hanging back.

Which means Aden is going to be here longer than a few moments to say goodbye. My heart palpitates at the thought, and I draw him into another firm embrace.

“Come on,” Aden says as he leads me to the bed. “We have to talk.”

A stone sinks in the pit of my stomach at the notch in his voice. He’s had a week to accept his fate of sacrificing himself to the volcano, and it’s clear that decision has taken a toll on him. He’s thinner than he was a week ago, with dark circles under his eyes. The light that usually shines from his shamrock eyes has dimmed considerably, and it breaks my heart.

That familiar urge to protect him, to force him back to the human realms until all this passes over, comes over me so strongly that I fear I can’t resist it. But I keep my mouth shut. Whatever decision he’s come to, I will respect it.

Aden sinks onto the double-king, four-post bed and tugs me so I’m sitting beside him. Threading his fingers through mine, he searches my eyes.

“I missed my period,” is the last thing I expected him to say. “I’m, like, two weeks late.” His hands are trembling. He looks at our linked fingers and takes a shuddering breath. “Ash took me to the human realms and I bought a pregnancy test.”

My breath freezes in my lungs.

Aden licks his lips nervously and meets my gaze. “I’m pregnant, Tarsus.”

I open my mouth, unsure which of my statements should make the first exit. Because humans can’t get pregnant with fae sperm. We are simply incompatible when it comes to reproducing together. And considering we’ve been together for, like, five years…

“What, now?” I breathe. “The only way you could get pregnant is if you slept with another human, and you’ve never—”

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